


Upside Down

by WhatDoYouMeanIts1amAlready



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blow Jobs, Chocolate Milk, Comfort Sex, F/F, F/M, Hot Cocoa, Ice Skating, M/M, Self-Harm, connie is a loner but creative, jean plays hockey, levi is hawt, levis super great then a dick then pretty great again, lots of weird backstories, marco is timid/shy, reiner is super protective, sahsa is so sweet and adorable, sasha and jean are super close, so is jean, super awesome best friendness, their friendships are awesome, these are all important to the story lol, tim burton is great so is ice cream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:38:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3113303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatDoYouMeanIts1amAlready/pseuds/WhatDoYouMeanIts1amAlready
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean and Sasha are best friends, they may even rival Pooh Bear and Piglet, or Sora and Riku, or Sherlock and John, or Edward and Alphonse, or Maka and Soul, or or or Ryan and Esposito, or Hiccup and Toothless, or, well, you get the point. They're super close.</p><p>Sasha's keeping tabs on their lives together.<br/>Jean is gay, and Sasha is more than okay with the gayness. This is their many complicated, odd, sad, happy, funny, upsetting, horrible, and great high school and college experiences together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting in the Middle

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure, this just kind of happened.
> 
> Well uhm..I think this'll probably be Sasha's point of view for the most part, but the JeanMarco is a big part, and so is the Connie and Sasha, soooo yeah, relationshipness
> 
> Sasha is such a sweetheart and her and Jean are so close
> 
> The first chapter is a kind of prequel, its a quick run down of their middle school lives and how they met and such
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yo,My best friend best friend till the very end, cause best friends best friends don't have to pretend. You need a hand and I'm right there beside you, you in the dark, I'll be the bright light to guide you. Remember the time-time-times sneaking out the house, all of the time-time-times that you had your doubts, and don't forget all the trouble we got into, we got something you can't undo-do.
> 
> Laughing so damn hard, crashed your dads new car, all the scars we share.  
> I promise, I swear
> 
> Wherever you go just always remember, that you got a home for now and forever, and if you get low just call me whenever, this is my oath to you.
> 
> Wherever you go just always remember, you're never alone, we're birds of a feather, And we'll never change no matter the weather, this is my oath to you."
> 
> -Cher Lloyd, Oath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I got really upset one day and just deleted everything I had been working on, including this story, so this is a repost, but I'm going to stick with it this time. Hope you guys like it, I changed it a little bit, but the storyline is still the same so if you've red it already, don't feel the need to go back over it, it's just more of letters/diary entries now than an essay.

Life the way I currently live basically started in middle school. Reason being, that was when I met Jean. In 7th grade, my first year of middle school, I kinda just knew everybody, that's how it is in middle school, you get acquainted with people, but you don't really get close at first. I had found a few different groups to hang with, and Jean was in one of them but we never really got past some small talk, and that only happened once in a while. I just kind of floated around from group to group, never really getting close to anybody, but being happy enough that I had lots of friends/people that I supposed I could talk to. 

There was about a month of school left when I got Jean's number. He was laying on the grass with Ymir and Christa and I went over to chill with them cause they seemed the most laid back out of the possible groups I could have chosen that day. We talked for a while and ended up all exchanging numbers. 

That was how I came to be best friends with Jean Kirschtein. Yay for texting! 

We started talking everyday after that and when summer came, we texted all day long everyday. It was fast, but about a month or so into summer, we had already established that we were best friends. We had somehow just quickly eased into being so comfortable with one another. We started to tell each other every little thing and grew to know each other almost better than we knew ourselves. He was the last person I talked to before I went to bed at night, and the first when I woke up in the morning, and he was the same with me too. 

About halfway through summer, Jean started dating Mikasa Ackerman. She was beautiful with long, as Jean would put it, 'pretty', straight black hair. She was muscular and nice, and she had to be the one to ask Jean out after taking all of his hints because Jean is just a dummy like that. She had called me a couple of times, knowing that I was close with him, and we talked about him and she asked if I thought she should ask him out and whatnot, girl talk. I encouraged her and was happy to find that they were happy together, and nothing really changed between Jean and I, so things were good. Kind of. 

Well, right before school had ended I had gotten dumped by this guy I really liked, a boy a year older named Austin who dumped me so damn nonchalantly, with a "Hey, so when are we gonna do what banana's do and, ya know, split"? Dickface. So yeah, I was still into him, so admittedly, I was a bit jealous that Jean's love life was going so much better than mine, but I loved Jean so much that after seeing him smile so much, it was bearable.

Anyways, once school started up again, being best friends, we were always together, Jean and I. Mikasa grew jealous of how close we were, and a few months later started cutting. Because she was depressed. From jealousy. Of me. And my best friend whom I have no romantic feelings for whatsoever. It was really dumb. 

Anyways, I got a boyfriend, go me! His name was Eren Jaeger. Well, Jean never really liked him, but he tolerated him for me. Eren was cute and sweet, and because I still liked Austin, I rejected Eren the first two times he asked. But he kept being sweet to me and then told me he was confused because I had said that I loved talking to him, and he couldn't see why I wouldn't like him if it was true. So I caved and we became a couple, because it wasn't that I didn't have any romantic feelings for Eren, it was that I was also still into Austin and I just didn't want to hurt the kid, and I told him so and he said he was fine with it, and there we were. 

My boyfriend soon started to get a little jealous of Jean too, but nowhere near as bad. He was still happy with me and could deal with it. He also started talking to Mikasa, and I'm pretty sure they bonded over their jealousy, because they became pretty close. 

Mikasa's cutting was getting so bad that I finally told Jean to just stop talking to me and get Mikasa happy and get her to stop being so damn depressed. And so he did. Jean and I didn't talk for about two and a half months. Now, I know that doesn't seem like a long time at all, but when you go from talking to someone all day everyday, to just not at all for two months, its really not fun. 

Eren and I broke up about month in from me and Jean not talking. It really sucked. A lot. I was alone, the two people I had let myself get close to, my best friend and my boyfriend, were both gone. About another month and a half later and Mikasa dumped Jean. Yes. After the cutting and depression and such, she was the one to dump him. Don't even get me started on that. 

But, after that I got Jean back, and it was awkward at first, but we slowly rekindled our friendship. By the end of the school year, we were even closer than we were before. Maybe it's because we had gone so long without each other that it was just nice to be together again. Over that summer we did lots of things that totally made up for the time we were apart. We had movie marathons at each others houses, went to street fairs, the movie theater, fast food joints, the mall, the park, a concert(wherever we went we always had food on hand, of course) we just spent a summer making up for the time we'd lost. 

Although, eventually, of course, that had to come to an end. And so began our lives in the hellhole of high school.

Okay. Sigh. So I'm Sasha, Sasha Blouse. I'm a senior in college this is about everything that's happened in our high school and college lives. I asked Jean to help me out with this, because he's been through everything with me. That means he wrote some of it, I'll indicate which ones, but here we are, this is our life. Yes, our. Jean and I are inseparable, so our as in us, together.

People often say the words, 'I wont ever change, no matter what happens,' but everyone is constantly changing. Generally the most change in ones life, it seems, usually occurs anywhere between middle school and college. A lot changes a person in middle school, not to even mention high school. Despite the fact that people are constantly changing, some things always remain the same. I've learned a lot since middle school, we both have, and I'm glad I got to learn it all with someone by my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm uhm uhm I hope you guys like it, the idea of it is currently really appealing to me, but that'll probably change after I reread it cause that's what happens to most of my writing lol but yeah, I tried and uhmm thanks for reading!! I think that's it.
> 
> OH WAIT. To answer a very possible question, YES. The banana thing actually happened to me. That jerk can go get a damn banana shoved up his ass.  
> The stuff that I took from my life are only in the first chapter or two, I'm still in the middle of high school, and I moved so my best friend is no longer within hanging out distance and he's not gay(so he claims)


	2. Begin, High School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rundown of their everyday lives and their friends at the start of high school.(just introductions mostly)
> 
> Oh! And Jean's gay! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "For those that liked the same sex had the characteristics, the right wing conservatives think it's a decision, and you can be cured with some treatment and religion, man-made rewiring of a predisposition. Playing God, aw nah here we go, America the brave still fears what we don't know, and 'God loves all his children' is somehow forgotten.  
> And I can't change, even if I tried, even if I wanted to."
> 
> -Macklemore, Same Love

High school is an odd thing. Its only four years of your life, but you go through so many experiences and so many things happen, you and your friends change so much, you grow up.

Jean and I had spent an entire long, amazing, fun-filled summer together. Then, we started high school.

We had most of our classes together, English, science, and history, and music, which was really nice. That leaves us as having different math classes and we took different language classes, Japanese for me and French for him.

In the fall Jean and I each did a school seasonal sport, I swam while he did cross country. I did volleyball and basketball during middle school, but there, they didn't offer a pool. I preferred swimming over volleyball. So during our first year of high school I did swim and basketball, and Jean did cross country and track.

Since swim and xc(cross country) were at the same time, and Jean's practice always ran about a half hour after mine, I always went down to the track to watch in the bleachers after practice. The coach liked me, I participated in their practices after the swim season was over and xc was still going, because I was there anyway and it was the times in which I wasn't exhausted from swimming. I got to know everyone in xc better because I was there all the time, they were some pretty cool people.

During practice I always hung out with Ymir. We grew pretty close, and even watched xc practice together after because her girlfriend, Christa, was on the team. She wasn't very fast, probably one of the slowest on the team, but she enjoyed it so she did it anyway.

Ymir and I weren't super great at swimming, middle lane of the pool, and the lanes went by skill level, there were six and we were in the third. It was a dumb thing because we were at athletic events, but every time we had a swim meet, Ymir and I would buy a Twix since they come with two, and each have one.

Aside from the sports, the main people we usually hung out with were:  
Marco(sophomore, black hair, tall, freckles, gay)  
Eren(freshman, brown hair, green eyes, loud and sometimes obnoxious, but funny, bisexual as far as I'm concerned)  
Armin(freshman, blonde, blue eyes, longer hair, bookworm, sweet, bisexual)  
Mikasa(freshman, depressed, bipolar, clings to Eren for dear life, Asian, short black straight hair, bisexual)  
Connie(junior, buzzcut, funny sometimes, really quiet, never pays attention because he just entertains himself with other little things instead, makes lots of messes, always getting into trouble, idiot, straight)  
Ymir(freshman, brown hair, freckles, could beat anyone's ass any day, very protective of girlfriend, rough around the edges, but pretty cool if you get to know her, very loyal)  
Christa(freshman, petite, pretty, really sweet, gentle, adopted, original given name was Historia, keeps Ymir calm/from getting kicked out of school from fighting)  
Reiner(junior, blonde, super duper muscular, sweet, nice, will beat the crap outta someone if they piss him off, loyal)  
Bertholdt(junior, tall, black hair, timid, awkward, but nice)  
Annie(junior, blonde, always looks bored/annoyed with everybody, can easily beat the hell out of someone, always seen with Reiner and Bertholdt)  
and then there's the seniors, Erwin(tall, blonde, xc star, big bushy eyebrows, always in an xc letterman's jacket, big bushy eyebrows, kind, but determined, bisexual)  
and Levi(a very short individual with black hair. Always wears an annoyed expression, easily irritated, after a while he warms up to you but still tries to act cold, strong, could easily win a fight against multiple opponents, does what he wants when he feels like it, best friends with Erwin, bisexual but more gay than bi) who helped out at the pool.  
Jean is about average height, taller than me, but not a giant. His hair is long on the top and cut really short toward the bottom. The short part on bottom was brown and on the top was blonde. He has light brown eyes and lots of muscle. He didn't fight often, except for with Eren, but in general he didn't very much at all, though he would definitely be able to hold his own if he did. He has sharp features and often looks a bit grumpy, but that's just his face, I think. He's impatient and gets annoyed pretty easily, but he's nice and sweet and smart and funny. He's determined and sometimes a dick, but always there when you need him to be.

Toward the end of September, Jean and I were alone and he looked a little nervous.

"Hey Sash?"

"Yeah?"

"I...Have something to tell you."

"Mhmm."

Well, he said he was gay. To which I responded with jumping up with a fist pump laughing the whole time.

"What?" He blushed, but also looked kind of angry and confused, which is understandable, mine was definitely not the most normal reaction.

"Nothin, I'm just happy."

"Why?"

"You know I love gay boys," I huffed. They were always so attractive. And sweet. And nice. And not as many were jerks. And everything a girl wanted in a guy. Not that I like Jean, but like, my best friend is gay! I don't know, I'm weird, but I was happy with the news.

Not much else happened after that, and by the time October came along, I had a daily routine of:  
Set phone alarm for 5:45am, when it goes off, turn it off then put it on my face till Jean would start texting me so that it would buzz and shine light on my face repeatedly, waking me up much more effectively.  
Be out of bed by 6:10(yes I know I take forever to get up, shut up)  
Getting up, brushing teeth and changing, and stuffing all of my school crap in the backpack  
Running down the stairs to to stuff my lunch I made the night before into the backpack  
Grabbing something small like cookies or something, or nothing at all before heading out the door  
Running most of the way to the bus stop that was like, almost a mile away  
Bus it to school  
Do school and classes and stuff  
Hang out with Jean and everyone at lunch, often napping on Jean after wolfing down my food  
Do more classes and junk waiting for the school day to be over so I can swim already  
Change in locker room  
Swim laps then practice starts with Ymir  
Change back  
Watch xc practice and wait for Jean  
Either go to Jean's place to do homework or bring Jean with me to my house to do it around 5:15  
Stuff my face with food  
Jean leaves around 6:30  
Dinner  
Shower  
Text Jean while doing MORE homework cause teachers like to give us lots  
Make lunch  
If I have time(not too often)play video games/watch tv  
Water plant  
Feed fish  
Brush teeth  
Sleep  
Repeat

But mid-October was when there was a change in that routine for a few days, because that was when homecoming came along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading guys! I'm really enjoying writing this one, my ideas just keep coming for it, it makes it a lot easier to write which means it makes me happeh, and when I'm happy I write more/faster :P
> 
> Hope you guys like it! I'm having lots of fun writing it^^


	3. Shopping, Dresses, Wasitcoats, and sleepovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fancy clothes, Sahsa's backstory, and friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Talkin' 'bout them better days are not that far, whoever's coming back to mine you better bring the guitar. You play a sad song, yea sing it from the heart, tell a sad story, yea tell it from the start. Pass me on the pain that you made into art yea, piercin' through my skin like a heroin dart. When someone's strummin' on the strings and they're spittin' things, everybody's movin' groovin' vibes when the other sings. They gon' kill you with their passion and their soul, when the first verse drops, you'll be fightin' back the tears and all. While another man's crying in his beers and all, while his woman's sayin' cheers to it all, ain't no shame in the game, just the way we were raised, for all we sing about better days, better days
> 
> Oh, we'll remember this night when we're old and gray, cause in the future these will be the good ol' days. Oh, and we're arm in arm as we sing away, in the future this will be the good ol' days."
> 
> -The Script, Good ol' Days
> 
>  
> 
> I thought the song went well with the friendship that shows in this chapter, I feel like it is a 'good ol' day.

The weeks leading up to homecoming were pretty much the same as usual, except we all had to find something to wear and buy tickets. Well, and the fact that JEAN TOLD ME HE LIKES LEVI.

What the hell Jean. That's all I had. I mean, Levi was definitely a hottie, but he was a senior!! See, freshman are totally supposed to have senior crushes, but they're not actually supposed to get them!!

Nevertheless, Jean asked Levi to go out with him three weeks before the dance, and somehow, Levi accepted. They spent the next week and a half going on a bunch of dates and stuff, and then Jean finally asked him about the dance. Levi was reluctant to go, but he thought it over and accepted, probably with some persuasion from Erwin.

I already had a dress for homecoming. While shopping with Ymir after practice one day, I saw it in a store and it was on sale for pretty cheap. I was totally in love with it the minute I saw it, but I hadn't had anywhere to wear it to until now.

The Friday before the dance, I went with Jean to try to find something for him to wear(I hadn't shown him my dress even though he asked, I told him it was a surprise). He ended up with a nice white button up shirt with a black vest,nice black pants, and a blue tie that also matched Levi's tie.

Christa dragged Mikasa, Annie,Ymir, and me shopping for dresses even though I already had one.  
Mikasa ended up with a long turquoise dress that was tight around her chest and upper half of her stomach, then became more airy as it went down, and it reached all the way to the floor.  
Christa chose a pink dress that was solid around her torso and it stopped just above her knees, it was covered in a thin sparkly see-through material, and had only one sleeve, which was made of only the thin sparkle stuff and a glove the same as the sleeve.  
Ymir wanted a vest, but Christa persuaded her into getting a dress. It was a very simple black one that stopped about halfway down her thighs, it had a seam right under her breasts as part of the design, and the whole thing was littered in black glitter. The dress had no sleeves, just two thin straps going over each of her shoulders, and she complained a lot, but it was a really pretty dress.  
Annie got a light blue sleeveless dress that was shorter in the front and longer in the back with laces that twisted around her right leg and left arm attaching to an anklet and bracelet.

Once everyone else had gotten a dress(and some got shoes too), Christa turned to me.

"C'mon Sasha, you gotta hurry up and pick one, we've been to all three of the dress stores here already and you're the only one left."

"Oh, I already have a dress to wear," I smiled.

"Oh! Really? Can I see it?"

"Yeah sure, let's all go to my place, all the food I brought with was all gone about fifteen minutes ago, I'm getting sooooo hungry!"

And without another word I turned and headed for the store with the fancy clothes that we'd left Reiner, Bertholdt, and Jean at. Reiner had been nice enough to drive us to the mall with him and Bertl so we could get dresses while they were getting their clothes for the dance as well. Jean tagged along, but since he already had clothes, he just hung out with Reiner and Bertl cause he had nothing better to do.

We walked in to see Reiner looking in the mirror at himself wearing a black waistcoat with a red-orange tie and the sleeves to his white button-up rolled up to his elbows. "What do you guys think?" he grinned when he saw us coming.

"You clean up pretty nicely Reiner," I laughed, "where's Bertl?"

"He was satisfied with the look and is changing back into his regular clothes, I was about to do the same. You guys ready to go?"

"Yep, you mind just dropping us off at Sasha's?" Christa asked.

"You guys can stay at my place for a little while too if you want, and you can see all our dresses and stuff," I offered before he could reply.

"Yeah sure, sounds great, I'll be back in a sec," he said as he went back into the changing rooms.

Jean was sitting on the bench and I walked over to him, "hey dude," I said, sitting on his lap.

"Hey kiddo, you find a different dress that you decided you liked better, or ya stickin with whatcha got?"

"Wearin the one I have."

"Do I finally get to see it? You told Reiner and Bertl that they could..."

"Nope," I giggled.

"No fair, you got to see what I'm wearing!" he pouted.

"That's cause you needed someone to go get it with you, I already had mine," I laughed, "but yeah alright maybe, I guess it's fair. I'll think about it."

"Yay!"  
"I didn't say yes."  
"But you didn't say no."  
"Okay okay, whatever, you can see it."  
"REALLY?! YAY!"  
"Jean stop yelling in my ear."  
"Sorry."  
"You wanna stay at my place tonight? Or you goin home with everyone else?"  
"I'll stay if you want me to, doesn't matter either way really, I get a bed and that's good enough. When's your uncle comin home?"  
"Two weeks."  
"That's good."

"Okay, ready to go?" Reiner asked with Bertl behind him, appearing in their street clothes again and holding a bag, apparently they'd already paid.

"Yeah," I got up and Jean followed, as did everyone else.

Then, we all piled into Reiner's van and headed for my apartment.

Jean was often at my place, since it was usually empty except for me and his parents liked me, so they didn't really care. Growing up I had a brother and sister, my brother seven years younger, and my sister was two years younger than him. I didn't have a great relationship with my dad, but that was okay because my parents got divorced when I was young, two or three years old, and my mom got remarried when I was six to my step-dad whom I really did consider a dad, he was certainly 100000000 times better of a dad than my real one ever was. I grew up with my uncle who is twenty three, who lived with me up until he joined the military at eighteen, so he's practically my brother. I also had my cousin, a boy who's two years older, goes to my high school, and definitely a brother figure. Him and my aunt lived with me until I was five, but when they moved out it was only a few blocks away, so we still grew up together. Needless to say, we faught ALL THE TIME. But he was always there when I needed him. He also had a stepdad and two half brothers a lot younger than him.

When I was thirteen, my parents and siblings got in a bad car accident. My mom and sister died, my brother went into a coma, and my dad was hospitalized until he died there a couple of weeks later. It was probably better that way though, he spent the whole time crying and depressed, he was strong, but I don't know how he would have fared with all of them gone. My brother is still in a coma, but it's been just over a year now, and they said that if he didn't wake up within two years of the accident, they'd have to pull the plug. I visit him everyday, just for a few minute, usually with Jean. He's the only one who knows the whole story.

I sold most of their stuff after the accident and stuck it all in their bank account. Then my aunt took me in and I kept most of my stuff in a rented storage place, keeping only what I really needed with me in their already small, already crowded house.

I begged my aunt to let me live on my own and she said no. But when I kept asking, she finally said I could when I was fourteen so I could have my own living space once I got to high school, as long as I kept my grades up, slept, ate, didn't have sex, and let them have a spare key so they could drop by whenever they wanted. I also had to let my uncle stay at my place whenever he was back from wherever military places he went to, which I was more than fine with.

So, a month before I started high school, I got a small two bedroom apartment with a small living room and kitchen area. The school, my aunts house, a small shopping area, a park, and a grocery store were all within walking distance, and Max lived only about two blocks away.  
I paid for the apartment with my own money, I didn't want to burden my aunt and uncle anymore, so I used my parents money, which was okay because there was a crap ton, the apartment was relatively cheap, even for being such a small one. Plus I was planning on getting a job next year when I was old enough for some jobs anyway to help the funds go back up a little bit.

I never threw parties at my place because I never really needed to, but sometimes people did come to my house, most frequently Jean.  
Levi and Erwin also lived in my building, so they came over sometimes too.

When we got to the building, I had to wake Jean up, because he had apparently fallen asleep on my shoulder.

We found our way to my apartment and all the girls changed in my room, the boys in the spare room my uncle or other guests stayed in. I had Jean leave his outfit here, so I gave that to him before sending him off with the other boys.

After showing Christa my dress for approval, everyone changed and then all of us met up in the living room to show off.

After that, we all changed back and I offered for everyone to leave their clothes in my spare room since my uncles not around so nobody usually goes in there. They all took me up on my offer and all of our homecoming clothes were hanging in the closet of the guest bedroom.

Then, we ordered like twelve pizzas and shared them all. After that, Reiner drove Mikasa Bertl, and Annie home. Ymir and Christa decided to stay since it was late and Saturday anyway, so they were staying in my guest room for the night and Jean and I took my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading guys! Sorry I made you wait on the homecoming chapter heheheheh


	4. October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand we can see that Jean and Sasha are super close with lots of memories together and yayyyy homecoming is next :3
> 
> Just for reference, the ----- is for a scene change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I don't mind, if it's me you need to turn to, we'll get by. It's the heart that really matters in the end.
> 
> Our lives are made, in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours, still remain."  
> -Rob Thomas, Little Wonders

Okay, my turn. Well yeah, I'm Jean.

Sasha is my best friend. It's kind of weird, I've never had a best friend before, so it's a bit different for me. She definitely knows a lot more about me than anybody else.

That's not to say that nothing is ever bad with us though, we fight ALL the time, we've had some pretty bad ones. But we're the kind of friends that can hug and make up the next day, or laugh off our stupidity, or even if it's something really stupid, just get back to like nothing happened after a couple of hours.

That being said, Sasha and I are special, I think we can be mad at each other, we can hate each other, want to stab each other in the face...but we still need each other, cause she's my Sasha and I'm her Jean, and that's how it is.

\----------

In October of our eighth grade year, Sasha's parents died. She spent a lot of time at the hospital for the first couple weeks after. I had to bring her food and clothes because otherwise she wouldn't have eaten, and she wouldn't have showered nearly often enough.

It became routine for me to go to the hospital right after school and give her the homework and tutor her. She would alternate between her brother and her dads rooms everyday until her dad died.

The day after was when she finally left the hospital for the first time since the accident. She went to the morgue to check on her mom and sister, then went and picked coffins for all three of them, and a burial ground that wasn't too far. She dragged me to all of those places on a Saturday, and then back to her house, which she hadn't taken care of yet, to start cleaning out all of the stuff there. She started with the clothes and had me take pictures of the furniture to post online.

She got rid of all of her sisters clothes, aside from a couple of articles,and picked what she wanted out of her mom and dads clothes. She left most of her bothers in case he did wake up, and packed up all of her clothes and whatever she was keeping of her parents and sisters into a suitcase. She put all of the clothes she was giving away into a bag to give away, then called her aunt asking if there were any toys she wanted to keep.

She came by about an hour later, around 7 at night, and took what she wanted, then Sasha put all the other toys in a pile to get rid of later.

I stuck a pizza in the oven for dinner for us and posted the furniture pictures after she pointed out which ones she wanted to keep and which I could get rid of, then started going through all the drawers, cleaning them out, and then the pizza was ready and I made her eat and then shower while I did the dishes then looked through the movies, searching for something for us to watch. She'd done a lot that day and it was time for a break.

We watched Tropic Thunder and it was just...it was amazing, beautiful. We laughed our asses off then slept on the couch together.

\----------

A few days later, we went to the funeral. I don't think I really need to go into detail on that.

\---------

We went to see her brother in the hospital everyday after school, she practically lived there, slept there every night, showered there, kept a suitcase there with whatever she needed. Whatever else was put into a storage room or stayed in her aunts house, where she slept the few nights that she didn't spend at the hospital. 

Her grades didn't drop too much, they went down for the while that she was gone, but made it back up after a while. She started playing sports, I think it was to get her mind off of things.

Then we stopped talking because of Mikasa.

\----------

In 8th grade, Sasha started cutting. She started wearing sweaters that were too big for her that were long enough to cover her butt and the sleeves covered most of her hands, covering the many scars that covered her left arm. Im not sure why, but she only cut on her left forearm, it the only place on her whole body that she cut, but there were so many there.

After we had become close again, toward the end of the school year, it the sun was out and it was the beginning of summer. During P.E, Sasha always wore a sweatshirt over her P.E shirt with her shorts, but it got so unbearably hot that she finally had to take it off.

After school that day, when we went to visit her brother, I took her hand, pulled her over to the couch and onto my lap, then studied them closely, counting them. I lost count soon because they kind of blurred together, and looked up at her. She looked nervous, but gave me a small smile. That was when I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. She yelped as I pulled her down, then buried her face in my shoulder as I squeezed her closer.

"Please stop," I begged, "please dont do it again."

She was silent for a moment, then she reached up to kiss my cheek, "okay."

"That's it?"

"Did you want me to fight with you about it?"

"No, I just...I didn't think it'd be that easy."

"I'm not addicted to doing it or anything, I can stop whenever I want. I'm not like Mikasa, she actually needs it. I don't."

"Then why the fuck do you do it?!"

"I'm not really sure how to explain, I mean, I can cope with the depression and stuff, I just...sometimes it makes me feel better."

"Okay, Sash. But since you say that you're ABLE to stop,please do."

"Yeah okay, chill dude. Its not like I'm contemplating suicide or some shit. I'm fine."

"WHAT. SUICIDE?!"

"I SAID NOT JEAN."

"Hmm....okaaayy...."

"Hey. It's okay. I'm okay. I'll stop. Okay?

"Good. Give me your scissors."

"Yeah....fuck no."

"Just in case."

"Nope. I told you, I'll stop, and I'm not giving you my scissors."

"Fine."

That was not a good day. I was upset and confused.

She still has scars.

\---------

She came over everyday to my place just to get away from her aunts house. She had gotten bored of spending her days in the hospital. Though she still spent a few minutes with her brother everyday, she tried to stay away from it. She went to the hospital for her brother, and to her aunts house to sleep, and otherwise steered clear of both places.

Going to visit her parents grave everyday became a thing for us too. Once a week she would buy new flowers to replace the old, and everyday she would spend a few minutes talking to them, just updating on how things were.

\--------

At the end of the summer, Sasha finally got her own place. She was really unbelievably happy about it. I helped her move in, and at the end of the day we collapsed on the couch together and napped, unable to do anything else.

We spent three days unpacking her things. I slept at her place all three nights.

It was evident that I'd be spending a lot of time here, so half of my clothes were in drawers here, and the other half was in my room at my place.

My parents weren't too wealthy, so my dad was always working. Due to this, he stopped having time to try and understand me. We began to fight a lot and we were definitely not on good terms, so by then I considered it lucky that he wasn't home very much.

My mom was a sweet person, but she couldn't work here because she was a French citizen and without a visa, she couldn't do anything about it, but I was born here, so I have dual citizenship, go me!

I stayed at her place a lot that month, and when school started, it just became a thing that I stayed at her place from Friday till Sunday. Video games when we got home Fridays until we fell asleep, then movie day Saturdays.

\------------

And then I met Levi for the first time.

It was the end of August, school was starting soon, it was a Tuesday. I waltzed right in because Sasha had given me a key when she moved in.

Levi was curled up on the couch, scowling with a blanket over his lap and a mug in his hands watching tv. I just stared for a second, then heard noise to my right. I turned to find Sasha in the kitchen making lunch.

"Heya Jean," she called.

"Uh. Hey. So, who's the hottie and why is he in here? He your new boyfriend?"

"I wish,"she laughed. "He's really cute, isn't he?"

I nodded. "So who is he, then?"

"Neighbor, he lives with his boyfriend over there," she gestured back toward the door.

"Okay...why is he on the couch with a blanket and a mug watching tv?"

"How did I forget to tell you about him? He's captain hottie and and he lives with commander handsome."

"I don't know! I thought you always told me when you saw hot guys!"

"So did I! Whoops. Anyways, he lives with his boyfrie-well, they're not together anymore, but Erwin is his name. He's pretty cute too, but he has friggin gigantic eyebrows. He's really nice, very polite and business-like. LEVI over there," she made it a point to make him hear her, "is super stubborn and easy to piss off, he's really strong too, despite his size, so try not to piss him off. He's a clean freak and despite his exterior, he's really sweet sometimes."

Levi shot her a glare, so she went over behind the couch and put her arms around his neck from behind.

"He got into a fight with Erwin and left. He's been staying here since Sunday. He had work when you were here yesterday. They normally get along amazingly well, so I took Levi in till they fix things,which can't take too long."

"Okay then, well, hi Levi, I'm Jean." I hold out my hand to him.

"I know," he lazily shook my hand then returned his back to his mug, "the best friend."

"Yep, that's me."

Sasha let go of him and went back to the kitchen to finish making lunch.

Levi and Erwin had broken up with that fight, but when they made up, they continued living together and were still best friends. Apparently they grew up together and thought they should try it, but it just didn't work out, they liked friends better than boyfriends, so that's what they went back to.

\--------

I met Erwin at Sasha's a couple of times, but didn't really talk to him much. When he turned out to be on the cross country team, I became a lot friends with him though. I told him about my crush on Levi and he told me I should ask him to homecoming. And so I did.

AND HE SAID YES. GO ME. I GOT GAAAYYYME. AND A SENIOR AT THAT HAIL YEAAHHH!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying reading this, cause I'm having a lot of fun writing it :D
> 
> Thanks for reading guys!!


	5. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry it was taking so long to get to the dance, but its really unavoidably the next chapter.
> 
> This so far has mostly just been how awesome the bond between Sasha and Jean are and how inseparable they are. Its also getting to know the other characters, their friends, and their relationships with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You a-a-a-a-are my best friends in the world, that's ri-i-i-i-ight
> 
> -My best friends in the world, Adventure Time

It was Friday, homecoming game day.

I slept at Sasha's again the night before. So, schedule is school, then I had xc practice and Sasha had swim practice, homecoming tailgate, game, and then the dance was next Friday. 

Sasha hadn't been sleeping well for the past week or so, she said she'd been having weird dreams and couldn't fall asleep. Most nights she hadn't fallen asleep until 2am, then would wake up at 3:30 for no apparent reason and be awake for roughly an hour before she fell back asleep to get up to get ready for school at 6, and on the weekend at 7, also for no apparent reason.

Needless to say, she was pretty dead this morning. I got up at 5:45 and went and shook her, and took her blankets and pillows, but she refused to get up. I finally literally dragged her off the bed and into the bathroom, where I sat her on the closed lid of the toilet. Her eyes were still half lidded and she was pretty limp, I think it took some effort for her to be sitting up like that.

I shoved the toothbrush in her mouth and grabbed her chin with my other hand and roughly brushed her teeth, trying to wake her up while I was at it. It didn't work.

After, I lifted her up onto my shoulder and laid her back down on the bed. Then, I went and brushed my teeth and showered(I showered in the mornings and she showered at night right before bed).

When I came back, she was exactly how I'd left her, except she was cuddling a pillow now.

I sighed and went to grab a pair of her jeans and a t shirt and threw them onto the bed next to her.

Then, I packed her bag for the swim meet she had after school and mine for xc practice, then our backpacks for school, made our lunches and packed them, then made breakfast.

After that, I went to go check on Sasha who was still lying there. I pulled off the shorts she wore to sleep and replaced them with the jeans I'd thrown on the bed earlier, then switched her shirt out and pulled her up to a sitting up position(and yes I've seen her in her underwear/bra and she's seen me in boxers before. We're best friends okay, who cares), taking a seat next to her with my arm around her. She was still really out of it.

"Morning Sash, I made food, breakfast is on the counter."

"Hmm? G'mwowrning," she mumbled, her face still pressed against my chest. She had finally woken up a bit at the mention of food, figures.

I stood and she came up with me, still leaning heavily on me as I still had my arm wrapped around her, but she was able to stumble over to the kitchen and sit at the counter on one of the barstools.

I set breakfast and a mug of chocolate milk in front of her, then sat down next to her with my plate and a cup of coffee. I'm not really sure exactly why besides the fact that it's amazing, but she loves chocolate milk. She drinks tea and coffee all the time, but chocolate milk is what she drinks with breakfast almost every morning, and whenever she's sad.

I need coffee in the morning though. Granted, I pour a crap ton of sugar and some milk in it, but I don't think I could get through the day without it. She likes to smell my coffee in the mornings, I think it helps her wake up, so I guess its a win win.

She slowly ate, as did I, and when we were done I put everything into the sink and she was a lot more awake.  
We grabbed our crap and walked down the street to the school together.

\---------

After school Sasha's swim meet ran longer than my practice so I went to the pool find her once I was finished. When I got there, I found Ymir still in her swimsuit on the side and asked where Sasha had gone.

She was changing in the locker room because she'd finished her events and didn't want to keep me waiting.

When she came out we left and went around the corner to grab food at the teriyaki joint. Our school was in the most amazing place. It was literally right next to a whole parking lot of awesome places to go, there was a Starbucks there, a Yogurtland, a really good teriyaki place, and a small bakery.

Naturally, after real food, we haaaaad to go to Yogurtland. Sasha is a bit ice cream obsessed, and she says frozen yogurt is almost as good as ice cream, so I let her have her way, doing my job as her best friend by telling her that she's going to get fat. She always ignores me when I say stuff like that. I say it anyway.

After that we head back to the school and mess around at the tailgate. Xc has a table so I hang out by it most of the time, we're supposed to be "promoting" it, but Sasha does more to promote than I do,and she's not even on the team. She took the monkey, the sockmonkey we like to call "the xc mascot" that really is not official in any way and I'm not even sure why we have it. But she took the monkey and went around telling people to join. I'm pretty sure she ended up hanging out with the sophomores for a long time at their face paint stand just because she likes to talk to them. I really don't understand why. Besides the fact that Austin, her ex that she still likes, is over there.

After a long while she found her way back to me while I was helping pack up the booth. The game was about to start so it was time for us to head over to the field.

We sat pretty close to the band with the rest of the xc team, the rest of our friends slowly finding their way over to us.

I'm not going into detail of the about three hours that the game was, but put simply, we lost. Yeah, our team lost.

Though, they did announce the homecoming places for the prince and princesses, as well as the nominees for king and queen which wouldn't be announced until the dance. Christa was the freshman princess, as expected, though Ymir wasn't very happy that Christa would get a prince....until they came to find that Ymir was named the freshman prince, which we all deemed fitting. Marco was the Sophomore prince, not a surprise. I didn't know the guy too well, but he was always smiling and just looked like the kind of person to be helping everyone out. His princess was some girl I didn't know named Mina. Reiner was the junior prince, and his princess was also someone I had never met before.

I didn't know any female seniors, so needless to say, I didn't know any of the queen nominees. Though, for the males, Erwin was there, and so was a grumpy Levi who looked like he'd rather be anywhere but there on the field. There were two other possible kings that stood there that I didn't know as well, Mike and Gunther were their names, and that was it.

After, we all congratulated our friends and went home. I went to sleep at my house that night after walking Sasha home, telling her I'd come over and spend the night the next day.

\--------

Skipping ahead to the next week, cause who cares about anything else that happened, really? Homecoming was the next event that was memorable, so we can just get right to it, right?

Well, Sasha finally started sleeping better by Wednesday, and I slept at her place Thursday night. Friday morning happened much like the last Friday had, though I had a lot less sympathy for her not waking up because she was sleeping better and didn't have much of an excuse besides "I'm still tired".

I was free of xc for the day, not practice or meets, but Sasha was a different story. Of course there was a night swim meet the day of homecoming. That meant all of us were going to be late. By all of us I mean Sasha, Levi, and I. Then there was also Ymir and Christa that were going to be late as well, and since so much of the group was stuck from the swim meet, everyone else decided to just be late with us.

Erwin drove Levi, Sasha, Armin and I to the meet. Reiner took Bertl, Annie, Ymir, Christa, Eren, Mikasa, and Marco. Connie didn't come.

Levi, Sasha, and Ymir had to be there to participate in the meet, Erwin was there because Levi asked him to drive, Sasha and Eren had finally made up and once they had, he had starts attending every one of her meets, meaning Armin and Mikasa went too, because they were attached to Eren at the hip, Reiner loved Sasha like his sister so he liked to support her whenever he could, and with him came Bert and Annie, who were attached to his hips, Christa was there for Ymir, and finally, Marco came because everyone else in the group had, though he had been spending quite a bit of time with Sasha lately, which made it not a huge surprise. Connie had said that dancing wasn't his thing, and decided not to go to the dance or the meet. The boring hairless weirdo.

It started pouring rain on the way there, and we were almost a little late, but both Sasha and Ymir made their events on time, and as soon as they were over, the two showered and changed back, then we all piled back into the two cars, heading for Sasha's place.

The rain had let up a little and the dance had started about 10 minutes before the time that we left the pool.

Once there, Levi and Erwin went to their appartment across the hallway, and Sasha grabbed the girls dresses as they all followed her into her room to get dressed and fix their hair and make up and whatever, and the guys went to the guest room to change and fix their hair.

Connie showed up while we were all getting dressed. Apparently Sasha had called him to come and take pictures of all of us. All of the guys were lounging in the living room or guest bedroom waiting for the girls.

I went over to the door to Sasha's room and knocked. Ymir cracked the door open asking what I wanted and what I saw behind her was almost scary. Christa was putting make up on Sasha in the corner, Annie was sitting on the bed quietly putting in earrings, Mikasa was fixing her hair on the side, there were clothes and make up everywhere, there were a total of three curling irons and two hair straighteners, and their shoes were all over the floor.

"What do you want, Kirschtein?" Ymir asked.

"I was just uh..coming to tell you guys to hurry cause we're all ready, but...you know what, take your time."

"I'm set, I'll come with you," she said, turning around, "hey they're all set hurry up," she called to the others before stepping out of the room, Annie followed, and closed the door behind her.

Levi and Erwin had returned from their place as well, and a few minutes later, everyone was out in the small living room.

Connie snapped a bunch of pictures, of everyone all together, of the trios consisting of Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie, and a few of Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. There were some of Erwin and Levi, Sasha and Levi, Sasha and me, me and Levi, Mikasa and Eren, Sasha and Eren, Mikasa and Me, Erwin and me, Ymir and Christa, all the girls together, all the boys together, Sasha and Marco, Marco with Ymir and Christa. Lots of combinations, lots of pictures, and then finally the last one was taken, it was of Sasha and Connie, even though he wasn't dressed up in any way, Sasha had insisted and she wouldn't let anyone else take it, no, it was taken selfie style, with her holding the camera out.

After that, Connie went home, and we all went to dinner at red robin, because it was right by the school, and it wasn't super crazy fancy, but it also wasn't fast food.

We finally arrived at the dance about an hour and a half late, there being two and a half hours to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys excited for homecoming? I'm excited for it, this is an interesting night for these guys :3  
> Thanks for reading!!


	6. Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SASHA'S POV  
> SASHA IS BACK OKAY
> 
> Homecoming finally caaaame
> 
> The other characters relationships with Sasha are starting to show, and the couples are kind of hinted at but I don't think they're like, out there yet lol
> 
> I FORGOT TO TELL YOU  
> My tumblr is EnobyAliceWay if any of you guys wanna talk or anything. I'm a loser with no life, so I'll always reply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I hate the homecoming queen, I'm pretty damn sure that she can't stand me. She thinks she's on the cover of a magazine, I hate the homecoming queen tonight!"
> 
> -Emily Osment, I Hate the Homecoming Queen
> 
> Yeah this song has nothing to do with the concept of the chapter, I just like this song and it's about homecoming sooooo yeah heheh

By the time we finally got to homecoming, we were pretty late. It was a really fun night though. 

The dance was, yes I know its really dorky, Harry Potter themed. But to be honest, it was really pretty! There are two gyms, one on each side of a middle hallway. One gym was used for pictures, the other for the actual dance. And in the hallway in between, were strings of lights to make them look like floating candles, and they sold a drink which they referred to as "butter beer". Im not really sure what it was, it was sweet, but that's about all I can say about it. It wasn't bad, it was pretty good, actually. 

I danced with just about everyone at some point in the night. 

When we first got there, Jean and Levi danced for a while, which is when I danced with Reiner while Bertl took Annie, Eren was with Mikasa, Ymir and Christa were together, and Marco was with Armin. Erwin was off dancing with Hanji, who I didn't really know too well at the time. 

Mike and Nanaba were there together too, they come and go with our group all the time during school events. They're pretty cool, just not really a permanent fixture of our circle of friends.

\-------- 

"Reiner you're too big for this," I giggled as he pulled me along, half carrying me, partially dragging me, and the rest me attempting to follow his dancing. 

"Nah, you're just too small for it Sash," he laughed, giving up on dragging me along and just picking me up to sway with me there. 

"I don't mind," I smiled, leaning into him and closing my eyes.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Sasha."

"Thank you, you do too. Well, I mean, handsome, I guess hahah. It's nice to see everyone having fun like this." 

"Yeah. Hey, I'm really glad we're friends Sash." 

"Me too, I'd miss you if you were gone, it would be like a chunk of my world was missing." 

"Yeah, same goes to you. We've known each other for a pretty long time, haven't we?" 

"Yissir, we definitely have." We smiled fondly at each other for a moment, thinking about old times, and then he put me down. Taking both of my hands, he began to dance with me properly this time.

\-------- 

After a little bit, Eren came over and asked me to dance, as he handed Mikasa over to Reiner and took my hand. 

"Hi, Eren." 

"Hey, Sash," he smiled down at me. 

"You look really nice," I said, smiling at his red vest and bowtie before laying my head on his shoulder. 

"You do too, you really do." 

"Thanks. I missed you, it's been a while since we've been so close to each other." 

"I know it has, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, back then." 

"I know you didn't, it really is okay. Let's just move on, I really have missed you. Let's be friends again." 

"Really? It was...that easy? I actually kind of asked you to dance to beg for your forgiveness..." 

"Oh, you really don't have to do anything like that, it's perfectly fine. We can be friends, we are friends. 

"Can I...tell you something?" 

"Yeah sure, anything." 

"Well I figured out over the summer..." 

"Mhmm?" 

"If Jean can tell you, I should be able to...it's just...hard." He sighed. 

"You don't have to if you don't want to yet...wait, Jean? What does this have to do with him? He hasn't told me anything about you?" 

"I'm...uhm...I'm gay, Sash." 

"Oh, well that's a relief." 

"What?!" 

"Well, I mean, at least this means it wasn't my fault that we broke up," I laughed. Eren looked shocked. 

"That's what you get from this?!" 

"Uhm...yeah. Is that bad?" I was still giggling. 

"You're an odd one, Sash," he sighed with a small smile. "For the record, it was never your fault, even if I wasn't gay it wouldn't have been. But anyways, yeah, I'm gay, and I really want to still be friends with you and stuff...if that's okay with you." 

"Eren, of course it's okay, I can't be mad at you for being gay, that's just silly." 

"I know, I'm sorry." 

"Oh stop apologizing already, everything's okay now." 

He smiled and held me closer until I pulled away, pecked him on the cheek, and switched with Annie so I was dancing with Bertholdt and Eren was with Annie.

\--------- 

"Bert!" I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

"Oh h-hi Sasha." 

"Are you having fun?" 

"Yeah, actually. Yeah, I am." 

"That's good." 

"Yeah, and how about you? You seem pretty h-happy." 

"Yeah, I am," I smiled. 

"I'm glad, I worry about you sometimes." 

"Thanks mama Bert. I worry about you sometimes too, but I think you'll be okay as long as Reiner's around." 

"I think so too. And I think you will too, as long as Jean's around. And I think Reiner is pretty helpful for you to have around too." 

"Yeah, I agree." 

Then Reiner came up behind me asking for Bertl, so I went and found Jean.

\----------- 

He handed Levi over to Erwin, and then we danced for a pretty long time, actually. 

"You suck at dancing," he said. 

"So do you, so it's okay." 

"Yeah that's true." We were kind of awkwardly holding our hands in front of us, palms against each other. Awkwardly moving them in random kind of round-ish movements as we swayed, spinning and twirling around from time to time.

\---------- 

Eventually, Levi came back, wanting his date again, so I took Erwin from him. 

"Enjoying yourself, Sahsa?" 

"Yeah I am, very much, thank you. Are you, Erwin?" 

"Yes, it's a pretty fun dance. I think this might be the best homecoming I've had in all of high school." 

"Oh reeeeally? Is it because I'M here?" I teased. 

"Oh yeah, totally, no doubt," he laughed along with me, " but really, I do enjoy having you-all of you, around. I'm glad that I got to spend my last one with all of you." 

"Oh, thanks Erwin, you sure know how to much me feel special. I'm really going to miss you next year, captain eyebrows." 

"I do believe that's KING captain eyebrows to you, see the crown?" He gestured to it and we both laughed.

\-------- 

After Captain America, I took a break and went out into the hallway where there were a bunch of benches and chairs out for people who just wanted a break for a little bit. That was when I grabbed a "butter beer" and just relaxed for a little bit. 

After a few minutes, Ymir came and asked if I wanted to dance, having handed off Christa to Reiner. I accepted and we danced for a while, before Ymir switched with Christa and I danced with her for a little bit. After dancing with Reiner, Ymir went to go steal Jean from Levi, and when she did, I left Christa back in Reiner's care and took Levi.

\--------- 

"Soooooo," I said. 

"What." 

"How's your daaaaate?" 

"It's....nice, actually." 

"Yeah? Nice enough to go on another date? Or be boooyfrieeeendsssss?" 

"I dunno. Maybe. At least he's not super clingy." 

"Yeah...he kind of reminds me of you, in some ways, Levi." 

"Oh? How so?" 

"He's sweet and caring and kind, even though it doesn't seem that way at first, like you. You're both stubborn and you come off as total cold hearted assholes, but you're actually really compassionate. You guys don't give a shit what others think of you and wouldn't ever hesitate to just flip off everything that pisses you off. You're brave and strong. You guys get annoyed easily, and mask embarrassment with anger or annoyance. You guys don't seem to be scared of much other than losing the people close to you. You have a lot of really tall walls up to keep others out, but there's one person you have that your walls don't exist in front of, such as me for Jean and Erwin for you. You do what you want whenever you feel like it. You know." 

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to take those as insults or compliments." 

"There's some of both mixed in there."He gave me a death glare. "Just kidding, they're compliments, things I admire about you two. And you also have one other thing in common." 

"What's that?" 

"I love both of your stubborn asses," I laughed. 

"You forgot one." 

"Huh? What is it?" 

"We both love you're bratty ass too." 

"Awuh Levi you're so sweet!" And then I choke-hugged him until Jean came over and pulled me off. 

After that I danced with Jean a bit more, not for long this time, a song and a half or so, and I went over to dance with Marco, leaving Jean with Armin.

\------------ 

"Heya Marco," I laughed cause his smile was just so contagious. 

"Hey Sasha," he continued smiling brightly, "you look really pretty." 

"Thanks Marco, you look really good too. Did you have a dance with Mina? She IS your princess, after all." 

"Yeah, I probably should...maybe I will after you." 

"Alrighty, sounds good. Marco?" 

"Yeah?" 

"It's okay." 

"W-what is?" 

"I know. You don't have to dance with her you know, it was just a suggestion." 

"You know what? Its not, like I don't like her or anything..." 

"I know that you're gay. I know you don't not like her, I don't even know how capable you even are of hating someone." He just stared at me for a moment. 

"You...you know." It was more of a statement than a question. 

"Yep." 

"How?" 

"Marco, have you not met my friends? Most of them are gay, I'm learning how to tell if someone is, after hanging around with these guys for so long." 

"O-oh." 

"Don't worry about it, like I said, most of them are all gay, it's not like it's a bad thing." 

"Maybe not to you...but to some people..." 

"Hey, how long have we known each other?" 

"Couple years." 

"Don't you trust me yet?" 

"Of course I do! It's not that! It's just that some people just..." 

"Aren't very accepting? Yeah, I know. But we're your friends, Marco. Dont hide from us." 

"Yeah, you're right..." 

"So, you have your first boyfriend yet?" 

"No not really...who would want to date me?" 

"Oh come oooon Marco. Don't give me that bullshit. You're a really good looking guy, and you're nice and sweet and friendly and helpful and smart. Anyone would be very lucky to have you." 

"Yeah, I guess so, thanks Sasha, you always make me feel better." 

"No problem kiddo. Hey, have you danced with Jean yet? I haven't gotten to Armin yet, so mind if we trade off?" 

"No, I mean yeah sure, I-I don't mind, is what I meant." 

"Thanks Marco, you're the best," I laughed.

\-------- 

"Eren? Why him?" 

"I don't know...I just...think he's really great?" Armin twirled me around. 

"I gotcha, alright, well, do your best Armin, you're great, so I can't see why not." 

"R-really?" 

"Yeah, if you like him then just go and ask him to dance with you. It's not that big a deal, I've danced with almost all of our friends, both boys and girls." 

"Y-yeah, okay." 

"Look, he's right over there, dancing with Annie. Let's trade with them, I'll take Annie." 

"O-okay...wait! A-are you sure?" 

"Yes Armin, c'mon." I dragged him over to them. 

"Wait, let's just think about this for a-" 

"Hey Eren, can I take Annie?" 

"What? Oh, yeah sure." 

"Here," I pushed Armin over to him and pulled Annie over to me and away from Eren. 

"Hey Armin," I heard him say as I smiled to myself, looking over my shoulder to try and get a glimpse of the intense blush Armin was sure to have on his face.

\-------- 

"Armin likes him?" Annie asked suddenly as we danced. 

"Obviously," I laughed, "it's actually kind of painfully obvious, I'm surprised it took Armin so long to figure out that it was a crush that he was feeling everytime Eren was around." 

"Yeah." 

Then Mikasa came over and took Annie, and I wandered.

\--------- 

Eventually Levi came and danced with me a bit more, then handed me back to Reiner, and then I ended up back with Jean for a while again. 

"I spent more time with you than I did my date," he laughed. 

"You can go hang with your date Jean, it's cool." 

"Nah, I don't mind, I like dancing with you too." 

"Me too, but we can dance whenever we want to, this is a date, go have fun with him," I kissed him on the cheek then gave him a little shove in Levi's direction. 

I ended up with Reiner for a bit more, and then I danced with Mike for a bit and Erwin after. Then came Nanaba, Eren again, then Hanji came and grabbed me from behind dragging me over to dance with both her and Erwin, which didn't really bother me cause Hanji seemed really outgoing to begin with, and it's not like I had never met her before. 

I danced with Levi a bit more because I felt like it, and then I went back to Marco for the final few dances.

\------------ 

Afterwards, we were all kind of hungry so we stopped by McDonalds on the way home. Everyone decided they were crashing at my place, apparently. It was pretty cramped, but I don't think anybody really cared, we were all so tired. Everyone was gathered in the living room, Christa and Bertholdt had been the first to be able to use the bathrooms to get ready for the night. Erwin and Levi went home and washed up, and said their bathrooms were open for use when they were done. 

While cleanup was happening, I pulled Jean into my bedroom. 

"What's up, Sash?" 

"It was homecoming," I said, pulling out my phone and plugging the headphones in, putting on in my ear and giving the other to Jean. 

"Yeah? And?" He asked, putting it in his ear. 

"We can't have let homecoming night have passes without us dancing to our song!" 

"Oh yeah, huh. Alright, hurry up and play it already then." 

"Okay okay, I'm going. Anyways, how'd it go with Levi?" 

"It was really good, we kissed a couple of times." 

"That's good, I'm glad you had fun." The song started playing and we went back to our awkward slow dance.  
"Who's to say what's impossible, well they forgot, this world keeps spinning and with each new day, I can feel a change in everything." 

"Did you have fun?"  
"Reflections fade, but in some ways they remain the same." 

"Yeah, yeah I did. Lots of it, actually," I smiled up at him."  
"My mind begins to spread its wings, there's no stopping curiosity." 

"Good," he kissed my cheek.  
"I wanna turn the whole thing upside down, I'll find the things they say just can't be found. I'll share this love I find with everyone, we'll sing and dance to mother nature's song, I dont want this feeling to go away." 

Then we continued our awesome awkward dancing, humming along and sometimes singing, until the song was drawing to a close.  
"Is this how it's supposed to be? Is this how it's supposed to be..." 

I pecked him on the cheek, "are you staying with Levi tonight?" 

"I'd like to, I dunno if he'd let me." 

"Just show up in his bed, I'm sure he'll be happy." 

"You sure?" 

"If you want to sleep in the same bed as Levi. Then go and put your ass in it!" 

"Okay okay, I have to shower first though." 

"Yeah hurry up. Oh, and Jean? GIT SUM!" I put the ear buds away and left to go check on everyone else. That night was a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with this hahah Levi is adorable, and so is Jean, and Marco, and Reiner, and omg frikin everyone :D
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you're enjoying!!


	7. sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping arrangements need to be made, and what's this? Jean wants to sleep with Levi?
> 
> Uhm uhm uhm yeah doing the do?
> 
> This was kinda hard to write cause I don't ship it, the real ships come through soon!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I could watch you for a lifetime, you're my favorite movie. A thousand ending, you mean everything to me. I never know what's comin, forever fascinated. Hope you don't stop runin to me cause I'll always be waitin.
> 
> You are my cinema, I could watch you forever. Action, thiller, I could watch you forever. You are my cinema, a Hollywood treasure. Love you, just the way you are. My cinema, my cinema."
> 
> -Benny Benassi, Cinema

After my shower, I wore only in a t-shirt and shorts(and boxers but nobody even sees those, right?), my fancy clothes from the dance hanging back up in the guest room. 

Levi and Erwin had come back and were sitting in the living room with the others. Levi was sitting on the couch, chatting with Eren, so I went over standing behind the couch and draped my arms over his shoulders, kissing his cheek in the process. 

Next to Eren was Armin, Mikasa sitting at Eren's feet leaning against his legs. Next to Armin were Reiner and Bertl on the couch, Christa was on Ymir's lap on the smaller couch, and Annie was sitting by the kitchen at the barstools with Erwin. Sasha was seated on the floor with Marco, and Connie, who had come back with beer when he found out that we were back. Reiner had left the alcohol in his possession before we left. 

Sasha was strict about only having one beer each whenever there were a lot of people around. She didn't mind the alcohol, but didn't like dealing with drunks in her small apartment. 

We all watched a movie as we sipped on our drinks. Sasha and I never really got drunk, it was a pretty rare thing, actually. I mean, Sash used to, back right after the accident, and in 8th grade after I friend dumped her and Eren dumped her, but it wasn't that bad cause she would do it at Reiner's, and he'll always take care of her, so I dont worry about it too much. 

Okay, Ms. Ral, Sasha said to be completely honest in this so that's why I tell you about our underage drinking in this, and...look, we've done most of the stupid things stereotypical teenagers do, and they're included in this. There's sex in a little bit, so...If you don't want to know the details, you can skip to the bottom. I understand this one especially cause...well, you know, you're Levi's friend and all...but anyways, I'm still writing this down, because it's kind of important to our story, even if you don't read it. 

Anyways, we all talked for a while, and eventually, Eren fell asleep on Armin's shoulder, who's head was leaning on top of Eren's since he had fallen asleep too, Christa was out, still in Ymir's lap, who had also fallen asleep after a debate with Reiner, which, I guess tired her out. Mikasa was asleep leaning against Eren's legs, Bertl had his head in Reiner's lap, with heavily lidded eyes as close to sleep you can get without actually sleeping, and Marco was sitting up, but just barely, rubbing his eyes every few minutes. It was almost four in the morning, and Reiner, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Erwin, me, and kind of Marco were the only ones still awake. 

"Alright, so who's sleeping where then?" Sasha asked, standing up. 

"I'll go home," Connie replied getting up, he lived on the next floor up with his mom. 

"We will too," Erwin said as Levi got up. "And since there's not a lot of space here, why don't you sleep at our place, Jean?" 

"O-okay," I stuttered(that was the plan but thanks for making it a lot less awkward to ask Captain America!! You really are a hero) 

"Alright, what's left..." Sasha thought aloud. "Two bedrooms and one two...four people."

"Five, you forgot yourself," Reiner pointed out.

"Oh...yeah huh.

"Plus I dont think we should leave Ymir and Christa like that."

"Yeah, probably not."

"They can take the extra bedroom, I'll carry em over there."

"Thanks Reiner!"

"No problem," he said, carefully pulling Bertl's head up off his lap and then setting it right back down where it was on the couch. Then he gently picked up Christa, carrying her into the room, followed by him coming back to get Ymir.

"You two can have my room," Sasha continued when he got back, "just no sex on my bed, please please please." 

"No, you should sleep in your bed, its yours," Reiner replied when he finally recovered from his laughing fit about her sex comment. 

"I dont mind, I've slept in really crappy places before, at least I'm in my own apartment. Just seriously, dont get jizz on my sheets." 

"At least it's not the bathroom floor again Sash," I laughed. 

"Hey! That was one time! Just let it go already Jean!" 

"You sure Sasha?" Reiner asked. 

"Yeah, he needs to shut up about it!" 

"I meant about your bed hahah." 

"Oh yeah, no biggie." 

"Aight, thanks." 

"Yeah yeah, just hurry up and put Bertl in bed. He's gonna hurt his neck if you leave him like that." 

"Yeah okay," he replied, picking up Bertl and taking him down the hall, then returning without him. 

"Okay, Reiner you mind fixing those two for me?" Sasha asked, gesturing towards Eren and Armin. 

Reiner decided it would be best if he put them in 69 position and took a picture before straightening them out along the length of the couch. 

"Reiner you mind sharing the room with Annie? She could sleep on top." 

"Yeah sure." 

"That okay Annie?" 

She just shrugged then walked to Sasha's room. 

"Crap I forgot about Mikasa." 

"She can sleep in my bed, I can take the couch," Erwin offered. 

"That would be awesome, thanks Erwin, but I really don't think she would mind taking the couch, especially since she's already asleep, you shouldn't have to give up your bed." 

"Look who's talking. It's fine, really, I don't mind at all." 

"Thanks so much, sorry about this." 

"Don't worry about it, I'm happy to help." He walked over and picked Mikasa up off of the floor, carrying her like a princess, then he left. 

"What about you and Marco?" I asked. 

"I'm really sorry Marco, do you mind sleeping on the floor? That's kind of all that's left..." 

"Oh yeah that's fine, I don't mind at all." 

"I'll put lots of fluffy blankets down so it's closer to a bed." 

"Okay perfect, thanks Sasha," he replied sleepily. 

"Alright, looks like that's all settled." 

"But where are you sleeping?" Reiner asked. 

"With Marco, in a blanket fort. Yes, blanket fort, cause I'm fun, so shut up." 

"Oh hell no, switch with me and Bertl." 

"Reiner, go to sleep," she said, shoving him toward the hall where her room was. 

"Okay okay, fine. Goodnight Sash, thank you," and with a hug and a quick kiss on her cheek, he turned to leave. 

"Night, dont let the vampires bite!" She called. "Oh! Wait!" 

"Yeah?" He half turned around. 

"Could you move the couch back as far as it'll go for me please so we can have more room?" 

"Yeah, sure." He walked over to the couch and did as she asked before actually going to her room and closing the door behind him. 

"Hey Marco, I have a ton of blankets in the closet of the guest room where Ymir and Christa are, would you mind grabbing them for me?" 

"Yeah, sure," he said, slowly getting to his feet, swaying slightly before he found his balance and made his way to the room. 

"Goodnight boys," Sasha said turning to us. She walked over and hugged Levi tight, "hey Levi, you have condoms?" 

"What?" 

"Just wondering." 

"...you're going to do it with Marco?" He asked quietly. 

"What? No! I was just asking if you had any! I dont need them!" 

"Yeah, I do, Erwin stashes them throughout the house cause he thinks if I don't have one around I'll still just have sex anyway." 

"You probably would. Anyways, it's late, why don't you two go on off to bed, make sure you all come over for breakfast tomorrow morning, we're all eating together!" 

"Yeah okay." 

"Be nice to Jean, Levi," she said kissing him on the cheek and then turning to hug me. "Nighty night Jean, have fun." 

"Yeah yeah, night Sash. And no sex with Marco!" 

Right then, Marco walked in. He dropped the blankets and then tripped over them falling on top of the huge blanket pile. Well, it could have been worse. 

"M-Marco! Are you okay?" Sasha asked blushing furiously as she went over to help him up. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, standing up again, face red as a tomato, a lot more awake now than he had been in the past couple of hours. 

"I'll explain in a minute, it's not what it sounds like! And you two," she walked back over to us, placing a hand on each of our backs and pushing us all the way to the door as we laughed our asses off, "go home and enjoy you're night already!" And with that, she slammed the door behind us, having successfully pushed us out into the hallway.

\-------------- 

When we got into Levi's bedroom, he closed the door behind us. 

"So kid, you wanna-" he put up air quotes, "sleep with me? Or actually sleep?" He asked. 

Putting up air quotes I asked, " will you sleep with me, Levi?" 

"Yeah sure." 

Then he tapped out lips together. After a second, I felt his tongue prod at my lips, so I opened my mouth as his tongue slid in. He pulled me over to the bed, and we just sat there making out for a while. It was nice. Really nice. 

After a little while, he tugged at the bottom of my shirt, silently asking permission. Pulling away from him, I let him take it off. He dropped it on the floor next to the bed, then proceeded to pull off his own shirt. And holy shit the guy had amazing muscles. I reached out dragging my fingertips across his chest then down his stomach, staring with wonder. 

He grabbed my chin and tilted it up, catching my lips again as I continued to stroke his beautiful pecks and abs with one hand, the other holding his cheek, with his arms wrapped around my waist. 

Without breaking the kiss, he climbed up onto my lap and moved his hands up my back so his palms were against my shoulders as he pushed me down, slowly guiding me to laying down flat on my back on his bed. 

After pulling his lips away, he just looked down at me for a minute. 

"I see why Eren calls you horseface, but it's not like you're ugly," he stated before pressing a quick kiss to my lips. 

"Ugh...he's such a turd," I groaned, reaching up to unbuckle his belt and unbutton his pants while he sucked on my skin right under my collar bone. 

He leaned back pulling his jeans off as I awkwardly got my shorts off so we were both left in our boxers. 

"You sure you wanna do this?" He asked. 

I responded by grabbing his shoulders and pulling him back down to smush our lips together. 

"You wanna have actual sex? Or you just wanna jack off?" 

"Seeeeexxxxxx," I whined. 

Without another word, he sat up, got off of me and the bed, then knelt down and reached into the second drawer of the dresser beside the bed, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom before crawling back over me. He put the condom and lube next to my head before attacking my neck and collar with kisses. I whimpered, not realizing how sensitive I was there, but he proceeded to plant kisses on my chest, stopping to suck on a nipple before moving on to my stomach. Not know what to do with my hands. I just clenched them into the sheets the whole time. 

He gently bit my side, slowly adding pressure until he removed his teeth and started licking it, pulling my boxers down. I hissed at the cool air as it hit my cock, and reached over pulling Levi's boxers down. 

"Levi..." I started. 

"Yeah?" He asked, started to pull back, but I grabbed his shoulders, rolling over so he was underneath me. 

"You a top or a bottom?" 

"Well currently in appears I'm a bottom," he said, gesturing without hand to himself and the other to me. "What are you usually?" 

"Never done this before." I mumbled, a little embarrassed. 

"What?" He looked shocked. 

"Yep." 

"Shit kid, let's not do this tonight. Why don't we just jack each other off, I don't wanna be your first after just a week and a half of dating. Keep your V card for a special time, after we've dated for a month at least." 

"Alright, you're probably right," I said, laying down on my back next to him. 

Suddenly he rolled over on top of me and sunk down to lick the tip of my cock. "Ah! Levi! A little warning would be nice!" 

"Jean I'm going to suck you off," he said, matter of factly, before taking the head in his mouth. 

"S-shit. It's a little late for that," I breathed, not even caring anymore. 

His hands came up to grasp my hips as he started to slowly move his head down all the way. I had one hand in his hair, the other clutching the bed sheets. 

"Mmhmavegh," he mumbled around it. 

"I-I can't u-underst-Ahh-and you." 

It must not have been important, because that was when he started bobbing his head up and down my length, humming all the while and god it felt amazing. He had me panting and whimpering the whole time. 

"L-Levi! Ah! I-I-Ahhh. Levi, I'm-ngh-m' gonna c-cum." 

He sucked as he slowly pulled off, then leaned up and shoved his tongue down my throat again, bringing a hand up to play with my nipple. And then a few seconds later, my mind got cloudy and I started getting a little dizzy until I came in between our stomachs. 

"You have a pretty nice orgasm face," he noted. Rolling over despite how tired I felt, I reached down and started stroking him. 

"Now I wanna see yours." And I did see it, and let me tell you, it was really freaking sexy. 

After Levi came, he went and grabbed a towel and we wiped the cum off of ourselves with it. After tossing it to the floor, we post-sex cuddled until we fell asleep in each others arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasha don't have sex with Marco!! Heheheheheh that's right, the others don't know he's gay...


	8. Jean and Levi??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, Levi you bitch. And Eren, fuck you.
> 
> Jean I lovez you ;-;
> 
> Sasha's really protective of her friends. And violent.
> 
> Starts out with Sasha's point of view, then quickly changes to Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, nothing compares, no worries or cares, regrets and mistakes, they're memories made."  
> -Adele, Someone Like You

When I woke up, Marco was already up and sitting at the barstools, sipping on a glass of orange juice. I rolled over to face him, not making any move to get out of bed. 

"Mornin'," I called, still half asleep. 

"Oh! Good morning, I didn't realize you anyone was up. Did I wake you?" 

"Nah, you didn't. What time is it?" 

"1:15." 

"Ah, it's about time people started getting up anyways. I'll go check if Reiner's awake, he's probably just watching Bertl sleep anyways. He said he would make breakfast," I said, slowly pushing myself up and walking over to my room, taking my time opening the door as not to wake anyone if he was, in fact, still asleep. 

"Mornin Sash," Reiner said, peeking an eye open. 

"Hey Mr. Muscles. Sorry, did I wake you?" 

"Nah, I was already awake. What's up?" 

"You still makin breakfast?" 

"Oh, yeah I am," he grinned. 

"Alright, well I'd hope so after you filled my fridge to the brim yesterday so you could make breakfast for everyone today." 

"Yeah yeah, you can't make fun of me when most of the time you eat just as much as I do, if I didn't buy that much then we'd run out of food. I'll be out in a minute." 

"Yeah okay, whatever. Take your time." 

I left and headed back toward the living room/kitchen area to find Marco folding up the blankets we had slept on. 

"I can do that, Marco." 

"Oh no, it's okay, you let me stay here so I'll clean up." 

"Lemme help you," I said, catching the other two corners of the blanket he was folding. 

"Thanks." 

As we were folding, Eren slowly started to wake up, meaning there's no way that Armin could possibly not wake up. First he was confused on where he was and started to ask, and then he smacked his head on Armin's and cursed loudly as he fell off of the couch. 

"Aye Erenenenenenen chill, you're at my place, remember?" I called. 

He looked up at me clutching his forehead where he had smacked it with Armin's. 

"Ugh...yeah okay. Sorry Armin." 

"It's okay," Armin replied, also clutching his head, now sitting up on the couch. 

Then came a knock on the door, and I was greeted good morning by Erwin, who had brought some food as well and was going to help Reiner get breakfast ready. The two quickly got to work and wouldn't let anyone else help, despite the many offers. 

Everyone slowly started to get up one by one, Mikasa joined us not long after Erwin had come. When everyone was awake, I went over to wake Jean and Levi. Well, I could see they were shirtless, but they had a blanket on covering whatever was left of what I'm pretty sure was their naked bodies. I decided to give em a few more minutes, and went up to invite Connie over. 

Connie moved a lot up until junior year. He started at our school about a month after school had started, having moved in the week before. I saw his mom with a few boxes in the hallway and offered to help her out, and soon Jean and I were both hauling boxes up from her car. 

We hadn't met Connie that day, but when he started at school, I literally told Jean that he was the most awkward kid I had ever seen, and I was definitely going to be friends with him. 

Sometimes he kind of brushes me off a little, but that's okay, he doesn't seem to dislike me, so I still hang around him as much as I can. He just kind of does his own thing, entertains himself. He draw a lot, and holy crap he's really amazing at it, the only thing is his people skills. He won't speak unless spoken to, making it a little hard to become friends with him, so he's the loner of loners for now, but I drag him around with me to do things with the group so he can at least somewhat seem to have friends. Everyone likes him, he just doesn't really make the effort. So I make the effort for him and make him hang with me! He never really objects, so I just assume he's okay with it. 

After dragging Connie back down to my apartment, I went back to wake Levi and Jean, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were already awake and had both pulled on some pants. 

After telling them that breakfast would be ready soon, I headed back across the hall, where I found everyone happily conversing with each other(some conversations less innocent than others). Reiner and Erwin were chatting in the kitchen as they cooked, Bertholdt was with Annie and Ymir, Christa with Mikasa, Eren, and Armin, and Connie was off to the side with Marco. I joined Marco and Connie, and Jean and Levi joined a few minutes later until Reiner loudly told us all the the food was ready. 

After eating, we all watched Tropic Thunder together and holy shit, it was too funny. Then everyone went home.

\----------- 

After everyone had left and it was just Jean and I on the couch, I asked him happened last night. 

"I got and gave my first blowjob," he grinned. 

"Whoo! Go Jean!" 

And then we fell back asleep on the couch.

\----------- 

A two weeks later, Jean told me actually lost his virginity that time. 

"Levi actually put it in me. Holy shit it was so amazing. He did most of the work, I bottomed since it was my first time." 

"Damn, Jean," I laughed, smacking his butt. 

Levi seemed to make him happy, that made me happy. For a couple of weeks. 

Until Jean stopped by one day.

\---------------------------------- 

Jean's POV

"What are you doing?" I asked. 

"What's it look like I'm doing? I'm hanging upside down from my bed," came her annoyed reply. 

"Well, I can see that, I meant why are you doing that?" 

"Cause it chills me out." 

"Yes, I know that, BUT WHY DO YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT?!" 

"So I dont kill a bitch." 

"What happened?" I sighed, walking over and sitting next to her on the bed as she continued to stay upside down. 

"Someone made my baby cry! Ugh! That piece of shit!" 

"Eh? Who did what to who?" 

"Marco," she sighed. "He's too nice for his own good, and because of that, some dickwad was taking advantage of him and I found out, so I went and yelled at him for it. Then apparently a couple hours later, he went and punched Marco in the face and said some really messed up shit to him and I'm so pissed! Marco's okay, just has a bruise on his cheek, but he cried for over an hour about the bullshit the guy said. I just got back home from attempting to comfort him." 

"What did you do?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"I know you, what did you do to the guy? Or...what are you going to do to him?" 

"Oh. I already did it, it's too late to help me, Jean." 

"What was it? And I'm Marco's friend too! Unless you did something overboard, then I would have sat back and enjoyed the show. Either way you should have told me!" 

"I went up to him, in front of all of his friends and bitch slapped him. And then I punched him in the face and his nose started gushing blood and it freaking got all over me. Ugh. Then I shoved my knee into his stomach, and while he was keeling over my shoulder from the pain my knee caused, I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back, holding him up so we were face to face again, and I flat out kicked him right in the dick, with enough power to push him out of my grasp and he fell flat on his ass, curling into a ball on the ground." 

"And then?" 

"Then before I could do anything else, Reiner saw us aaaaand you know how well that always ends for people, he came over and lifted him up and punched him in the gut really hard, thinking that the blood was mine and that the had hit me hahah. I pulled Reiner off after just a punch and he dropped the guy and we left as he screamed, cursing at us." 

"How could you not let me watch this. I'm upset now." 

"Sorry, I didn't have time, I was so pissed that as soon as I left Marco I went straight for the bastard." 

"Understandable, Marco's a sweet kid." 

"Yeah, he really is, and he definitely didn't deserve that." 

"Agreed. But you got the guy back, so stop being upset." 

"But I'm still maaaaaaad." 

I got up and grabbed her legs, pulling them off the bed so that all of her was on the floor and then pulled the sheets off the bed, laying next to her and covering us with the blankets. 

"Jeaaaaaaan what are you dooooing?" 

Then I wrapped my arms around her with one corner of the blanket in my hand and pulled her close, rolling over a bunch of times. 

"Jean!" She yelped. 

"What?" I asked, still rolling. 

"Don't just randomly do that all of a sudden!" 

"Whoops," I said, finally stopping rolling around on the floor as we found ourselves smashed together in the middle of a blanket burrito. 

We were both laughing at this point so it didn't really matter anymore. 

"You're such a durp, Jean." 

"Yeah yeah, I know, shut up." 

"No," she grinned. 

I sighed, and then we just laid there for a while. 

"Hey Jean?" 

"Hey Sahsa?" 

"What movie are we gonna watch?" 

"We're watching a movie?" 

"I'm too tired to play video games or a board game, I don't really wanna have to think to hard." 

"Well alright, movie it is." 

"I already established that, the question was, which one?" 

"I dunno I gotta look." 

"On three?" 

"Yeap." 

"One..." 

"Two three!" 

I attempted to roll back over the way we came, but I couldn't do it. 

"I think we're stuck," I stated. 

"Great. I'll call Levi." 

"Perfect." 

"My phones over by you." 

"Ngh...ugh...ahg...I can't reach it." 

"Well, shit." 

We just laid there for a little while until I heard a "Jean?" 

"Yeah, Sash?" I answered a little exasperated. 

"I wanna watch Epic." 

"Well that's great and all, but we're still stuck," I said a little annoyed, even though it was my fault we were like this. 

"Can you get your arms free?" 

"Nghhh......ah! I got one. I don't think I can get the other though." 

"I don't think I can get either of mine....wait, Jean? Where's your phone? 

"In my pocket."

"Perfect!"

"What? Why? How the heck is that perfect?"

"Cause I can reach it."

"Oh."

"Nmm...got it!"

"Okay, but your arm is still stuck down there." Then it came sliding between our faces, "you just shoved it? What if you pushed too hard and broke it?!"

"But I didn't," she grinned."Just call Levi already!"

"Alright alright," I complied, still grumbling.

Ring. Ring. 

"Hello?" 

"Levi!" 

"Yeah, do you want?" 

"Are you at home?" 

"Uh. Yeah. Why?" 

"Me and Sasha got stuck." 

"Of course you two did. Great job, losers. I'll be over in a minute." 

"Than-" 

Beep 

I heard the lock click, then Levi walking in grumbling. 

"We're over here!" Sasha yelled.

"Shit, not in my ear Sash!" I hissed.

Levi walked over and looked down at us. We both looked up to see him giving the most pitiful look I think I've ever seen.

"How are you guys this stupid?" 

"Just get us out so I can kiss you." 

"Yeah, okay." Then he tucked his hands under me and pushed me up over Sasha and then her over me until we were just about out, at which point Sasha and I just struggled to get out of the sheets, somehow just tangling ourselves more in them. Levi leaned down and kissed my cheek, "I'm not helping you this time," he whispered in my ear, making me just wanna sit down and make out with him for an hour. 

"Shit," I struggled, fighting with the blankets as Levi laughed at me wiggling around on the floor. 

When I was finally free, Sasha was still tangled up, unable to free herself. I ditched her and went straight for Levi's lips, having a nice little make-out session. 

When we pulled away, I saw that Sasha had made her way out of the blankets and had them gathered into a pile on the floor, but she was backed up against the wall with wide eyes like she was scared. 

"Uhm...Sash? You okay? You've seen us kiss before...too long for you?" 

"S-s-s-spidurrr," she said, pointing. 

"Oh come on Sasha, they're not thaaaaat bad." 

"JEAN LOOK." 

Turning around, I saw a gigantic ass spider on the wall opposite. "Holy motherfucking shit! That thing's a beast!" 

Needless to say, Levi was the one to kill it. And he did it so nonchalantly too! Godamn! 

"Thanks for saving me, sexy," I smiled at him planting a kiss on his cheek. 

"It's whatever," he looked away blushing slightly. 

Walking toward the door, I grabbed his shoes and carried them with me back across the hall after throwing a "maybe I'll give a you reward for it," over my shoulder. 

I heard him run after me surprisingly fast so I picked up the pace, dropping his shoes by the door and proceeding to his bedroom, "Jean! Wait! Shit!" 

I didn't know what the 'shit' was for, but I didn't wait. 

Walking into the room, I found Eren on the bed in his boxers with a horrified look on his face. My eyes started to burn. Turning on my heel, I headed back to Sasha's. Levi tried to stop me, tried to talk to me, he grabbed my shoulder, trying to make me listen, but then the tears spilled over and I just shoved my way past him. 

The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor, crying in Sasha arms. She was running her hands up and down my back, softly asking me what was wrong. 

Choking on my own words, I slowly somehow got out what I had seen. She pulled me up by my arms, leading me over to the couch and dropping me there before returning with a glass of water and a box of tissues. 

"I'll be back in a sec, get comfy," she said, and went out the door, presumably to Levi's, leaving me alone in her apartment which was suddenly starting to feel really big to me. 

A few minutes later she returned, both sides of her right hand really red. I could only guess the number of times she slapped Levi, and possibly Eren as well. 

Grabbing an ice cream container, two spoons, a blanket, a stuffed animal, and one of our favorite movies, Top Gun, she came back over to the couch. After handing me the stuffed animal which I tucked under my arm, she handed over the ice cream tub and spoons then draped the blanket over me, put the movie in, closed the curtains so it was as dark as possible, then went and made me hot cocoa despite the ice cream I had started to eat, because I really fuckin love hot chocolate and she knows it. She placed the mug on the little table next to the couch, then got under the blanket, hitting play on the remote and grabbing the other spoon, digging into the ice cream with me. 

I grabbed her right hand and pushed it up against the tub of ice cream, hoping to soothe the red ass skin a little, but she moved it again after only a few seconds to wrap her left arm around me, using her right to scoop ice cream into my mouth when she noticed I had stopped moving. 

We stayed like that, silently watching the movie until it came to the scene where Maverick is with Goose and his family and Goose is playing the piano while they all sing together. Then, of course we just had to join it, it's impossible not to, seriously, how could we not? I started out singing quietly, slowly growing louder, Sasha just yell-singing the whole time. When the song was over, we looked at each other and laughed, and Sasha paused the movie. 

"What do you want for dinner?" She asked. "I'll make ya anyfin you want." 

"S' okay Sash, just make something easy." 

"Mac n' cheese it is." My favorite. Of course. 

She got up and went into the kitchen to start cooking, and I went to sit across from her at the barstools like I always did while she was cooking. She put on music but turned the volume down a lot so that we could talk, still part of the cooking routine, but she didn't say anything. She just went and started fiddling with the pans and finding the ingredients after pulling two boxes of 'Kraft' mac n' cheese out. I sat quietly, sipping on the hot cocoa that wasn't so hot anymore, which I had brought with me from the couch. 

"Sash...?" I finally broke the silence. 

"Yeah, Jean?" 

"Why do you think people cheat?" 

"If I knew the answer to that, I don't think I would hate my dad so much for it. But, Levi is a pretty good guy, I never expected it from him. Especially not to my best friend, seeing as he knows the situation with my dad. Or maybe he just never actually cared. Shit. Sorry Jean, I meant about me, not you. I guess I'm just confused...I really feel like the Levi I know wouldn't ever have done something like that..." 

"Did he say anything when you went over there? What did you say?" 

"Nah, he didn't. He took one look at my face and knew that I knew, then he just hung his head in shame. I yelled a lot of obscenities at him, and slapped him till I lost count. He didn't do anything to try to stop me, he just stood there, unflinching, until I stopped and forced him to look me in the eye. Then he flinched. I called him and asshole and a jerk and a shitface and a couple other things before I turned to Eren, who had been watching the whole ordeal."

"Yeah? What did he say?"

"He just watched me nervously for a second, then I calmly told him it was just as much his fault, my voice slowly got louder till I was just screaming obscenities at him as I slapped him. My hand just kept going back and forth, back and fourth across his face. It was nowhere near as many times as I slapped Levi, not even half. Then Levi caught my hand and told me that was enough, and I punched him in the face. Then I roundhouse kicked Eren, making him fall down. Levi went to help him up, but I slapped his hand away and elbowed him in the gut. Then I left." 

"Shit. I'm glad I'm not Levi right now, if I were him, I'd still me on the floor groaning." 

"I hope he is." 

"You don't mean that Sash, come on, you love him." 

"So? I'm pissed. It doesn't matter if I loved him or not, he was a complete shitstick and deserves to be in pain right now. 

"Loved? Past tense?" 

"Look I do love Levi, I looked up to him and thought he was an amazing person, but you know I can't stand cheating. And even moreso I can't deal with people who are complete dicks to you, Jean." 

At this point, dinner was ready, and we ate at the couch finishing our movie in silence.

\-------- 

After dinner, we decided to play Soul Calibur cause fighting people always makes one feel better. Not too long after we started playing, there came soft knock on the door. 

"Who's it?" Sasha, called, moving toward the door and opening it. 

"Levi." 

"Oh." She slammed the door right back in his face, then walked back over to the couch and continued to play. 

I sighed and got up, opening the door. Levi was still standing there with his fists clenched, knuckles turning white as he stared at the ground. 

"Hey," I said quietly, letting him in. 

"Jean, what are you doing? I understand that you practically live here, but you don't actually. Who said he could come in?" Sasha asked coldly, not taking her eyes off the TV screen. 

"I did. Sasha chill." She sighed, putting the controller down and facing us. 

"How are you not mad, Jean?" 

"I am. I want an explanation though." When she didn't reply, I turned to Levi. 

"Hi..." he started, "I wanted to apologize for earlier." I finally got a good look at his face. Sasha had done a quite a bit of damage, both of his cheeks were really swollen, his left cheek was almost completely covered in a pretty dark bruise there with two purple dots in the middle of the bruise, which I assumed were Sasha's knuckle prints from when she punched him. 

"So, you cheated on me. With Eren fucking Jaeger." That was when Sasha stood up and walked right out the door. "Sash? Where you goin?" I asked nervously. 

She didn't reply, but I stared at the door waiting for her to reappear. She didn't. She just closed the door behind her. 

"Jean." I turned back to Levi, "I really am so sorry, today was the only time it happened, and I was going to tell you about it tomorrow, I swear. It just kind of happened, but I think that I really like him, so I really was planning to break it off tomorrow, when we were going to go to the park, and I wasn't planning on doing anything with Eren before then, I really wasn't. Please believe me Jean, I never meant to hurt you, and I know that I did, and I can't change that, and I don't know how I can fix it, or even if I can, but I'd honestly really like to be able to be friends with you, because I really do like you as a person, and you do make me happy, but I think we're just better as friends, I feel different with Eren than I do with you. I'm so sorry." He spoke quickly just kind of word vomiting, but I understood clearly, and oddly enough, I was pretty okay with it. 

But then the door slammed open. In stormed Sasha, roughly pulling Eren by the ear with him stumbling after her, his face twisted in pain. 

"Sasha!" I yelled, despite how much it hurt to see Eren after I realized what he was doing with my boyfriend, she still at least shouldn't have dragged him by the ear, that shit hurts. 

She dropped him and went back to her couch, going back to the main menu so that she could change it to one player. 

"M' sorry Jean," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Of course you are, I thought, that's why Sasha had to drag you here. 

"S' okay." It's not. 

"No it's not," Levi called me out, "we were complete dicks, and you're not obligated to forgive us." He glared at Eren. 

"I know I'm not, but what's done is done. I'll probably get over it eventually. Levi, I still like you, in that way. Eren, I've never really liked you in any way. You hurt my best friend. You left her all alone when she needed you," he flinched. "And now you had an affair with my boyfriend. So obviously I can't just forgive you just like that, but you don't have to go out of your way to avoid me or some shit. That's all I have to say to you, and you already apologized, so get out." And he did. Then I turned back to Levi, "I liked you a lot, but if Eren makes you happy, go for it. I don't hate you, I don't think I'm able to hate you, we can still be friends, just give me space if I need some, okay?" He nodded. 

He looked behind me and I followed his gaze to Sasha still on the couch, beating the shit out of someone on xbox live. "Well, that's one. Now for the other one..." he said under his breath. 

"Good luck with that one," I laughed, then went and joined Sasha back on the couch, putting an arm around her. She completely ignored me! Levi followed me and sat on her other side in silence. After the round was over, she finally turned to look at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off. 

"I heard. I listened on the other side of the door before grabbing Eren. If Jean can forgive you, then I suppose that I can too, but hurt him again and I'll end you." 

"Stealing my way of speaking now, are we?" 

"You're not the only one who can have a cold demeanor. Hurt my best friend and I kill some bitches, I thought everyone knew that." 

"Yeah, I'm sorry," he hung his head. 

She reached up and gently grabbed his face with both hands, making him look at her while examining her work. He winced when she touched him, but relaxed after a few seconds. "Sorry about that...did it hurt a lot?" 

"Nah, it wasn't too bad, I've felt worse." 

"Oh? Do I need to make it hurt worse?" 

"I'd really rather you didn't..." 

"That's what I thought." She leaned over and kissed both of his cheeks, then turned back to her game and proceeded to play another round like nothing had happened. Good ol' Sasha. Levi and I joined in, taking turns getting our asses handed to us by her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I needed to break them up, it had to happen, it was unavoidable. I think Jean and Levi would make amazing 'best friends', but I dont think they really fit together well as 'boyfriends'


	9. Dark Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Across the ocean, across the sea, starting to forget the way you look at me, now.  
> Over the mountains, across the skies, dont you worry, cause everything's gonna be alri-i-i-i-e-aight, be alri-ah-ah-ai-ai-aight."
> 
> -Be Alright, Justin Bieber  
> (In other words, the only song of his I like lol)

I woke up alone in my bed, even though Jean had stayed the night again. It wasn't uncommon, he was usually awake before I was, since he showered in the mornings. I also sometimes woke to the sound of him touching himself in the shower, that was a common occurrence, but not an everyday thing. 

It had been two weeks since Jean and Levi broke up, and Jean had done it everyday since, even though he didn't spend everyday at my place, I know he did. 

He was pretty upset still, needless to say. Levi and Eren became a thing the day after Jean found out, they actually really do seem to care about each other, and I believe what Levi said about planning to break up with Jean, cause the way he looks at Eren is just....different. 

Evidently, Jean was very sexually frustrated. When he eventually walked out of the bathroom with my sweatshirt on(we always shared clothes, Jean smells good, and I like clothes that are a little bit big on me, so I take his, and since I take his clothes he feels he should be able to take mine, so he does), I told him he could do it on my bed once in a while since the shower wasn't that comfortable, as long as he either didn't make a mess on my bed or washed the jizz off when he was done. 

He laughed and told me that he was fine and didn't need the bed. 

The next day, we didn't have school and Jean hadn't slept at my place, so I went out to grab some more chocolate milk powder because I was out and can't live without that stuff. I hate the grocery store. I avoid it as much as I can, and always drag Jean with me, with only the exception sometimes when I only need a thing or two. 

I came home to find him breathing heavily on my bed with a towel over the lower half of his body to catch his cum, I just laughed at him and told him he should at least tell me when he was doing that kind of stuff. He groaned in embarrassment and wrapped the towel around his waist to cover himself better. 

"Jean, are you okay?" 

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" 

"Well you've been jerking off a lot lately...especially in the shower" 

"I do that all the time though." 

"But like, more lately. 

"Nah, not really. 

"Don't lie to me, Jean." 

"Yeah, okay. Sex felt good. I wanna do it one more time with Levi, but I can't. I don't really like like anybody right now, but I really need to do it just once and ugh it's bugging me. So showers are the closest thing I can get." 

"Oh." 

Well, I wasn't getting anywhere with Connie cause he's so awkward, I haven't even been able to tell him I like him yet, and I really doubt he even likes me because I'm pretty obnoxious, so I figured what the hell. 

"I can do it..." I said slowly. 

"Aren't you a virgin?" 

"Yeah, but it's okay. You're my best friend, you've seen me in my underwear plenty of times, and it's not like you don't kiss me regularly. Plus, since you're gay and I like Connie, it's not that big of a deal...right?" 

"Are you sure? I mean it is your first time, do you really wanna give me your v card?" 

"Jean, I love you, I'm okay with it if it'll make you feel better, just stopping jacking off every little chance you get." 

"Okay." 

And then....yeah. That happened. Can I just say, dicks are fucking huge okay. It fucking hurt like hell. I don't understand how people discovered sex, it's such a horrible sensation when they first go in, that it just amazes me that whoever the first people of the world were, actually let the other person move at all, and keep doing it, until she got preggerz. If it was me I would have been like what the hell are you doing, that shit hurts, get the fuck out of me now, we're never doing that again, before I even knew it could feel good. But I guess I should be grateful because they kind of populated the Earth. Oh well. 

Anyways. Yeah, virgins, it fucken hurts the first time, okay(the first three or so times, actually).

\--------- 

Jean had done as I asked, and stopped playing with his dick so much after that. 

Nothing really changed, except I was sore the next day, my hips, and my vagina. Jean's dick felt like it ripped my body in half when he had pushed in. Great job, Jean. 

Anyways, we had a three day weekend, and Jean and I had done it on Friday, our day off of school. We fell asleep after, but it was only early afternoon, and we woke up around seven at night. He went home. When he came back the next day, he found me in my bed, and in my bed is where I stayed, all day long.

\--------- 

The next day, Sunday, I was bored. And Jean was probably still feeling lonely, and Marco was probably feeling lonely too after having been bullied, so I decided we should all go out. With Connie, of course, because I won't let him be a loner upstairs locked in his room. Again. 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
Jeaaaaaaaan 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
JEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
WHAT 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
Let's go out tomorrow :D 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
Okay? Where? 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
I dunno, but let's bring Marco and Connie along! :3 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
Uhmmm alright? Is there a reason why? 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
I really like Marco, I want you to be better friends with him, I think you'd like him. And just cause I wanna drag Connie out of his room again :P 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
Aight, whatever. Let's go ice skating 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
WHAT?! NOOOOOOOO 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
Whyyyyyyyyyy 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
CAUSE I'M NOT IN A 'FALLING ON MY ASS ON SOLID ICE' MOOD 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
Okay okay fine, how bout...bowling, or a movie, or the arcade 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
ARCAAAAAAAADEEEEEEE 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
Of course that's what you wanna do. Aight what time? 

To: Pwincess Jeany  
12:30 at my place^-^ 

From: Pwincess Jeany  
Okee 

To: De Marco of polo's  
Marco!!!!!!!!!!!! 

From: De Marco of polo's  
Hi Sasha! :) 

To: De Marco of polo's  
Come to the arcade with me and Jean and Connie tomorrow!! 

From: De Marco of polo's  
Oh, okay, what time? c: 

To: De Marco of polo's  
12:30 at my place 

From: De Marco of polo's  
Alright, I'll be there! :D 

To: De Marco of polo's  
YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY^-^ 

To: Quiet Connie   
HEY CONNIE I'M DRAGGING YOU TO THE ARCADE TOMORROW WITH ME AND JEAN AND MARCO OKAY? 

From: Quiet Connie  
The arcade? Ok. Wake me up when we needa leave then. 

To: Quiet Connie   
Yeah okay, Jean and Marco are coming over at 12:30 so I'll be by around 12:15 or so xP 

\------- 

The next day, when I went to get Connie, I found that he was, for once, already awake. He was drawing, meaning he probably had woken up early and had spent the morning doing that because that's just how he gets sometimes. I only know cause I have to come and get him from here a lot, otherwise he always blows me off. His mom never seems to mind my coming over, and Connie never really seems upset when I grab his arm and tug him out of the room. 

When we got back to my room, it was about 12:20, and Connie had a nosebleed. It was a bad one, it was bleeding a lot. 

With a sigh, I texted Jean, telling him to go ahead and hang out with Marco without us. I told him he could go ice skating or do whatever crap he wanted now that I wasn't going. I texted him Marco's number and told him to find him and have fun. 

Connie was still bleeding, and I was starting to worry, even though he said it 'just happens sometimes'. He sat on the couch with a box of tissues, and I put a movie in for us to watch, curling up on the other side of the couch with a blanket. There was another one next to Connie, but he made no move to grab it. 

I knew we both liked Tim Burton, so I decided we would just have a marathon of his movies since it would probably be a while until Jean and Marco came back. Starting with Alice in Wonderland, then the Corpse Bride, then Dark Shadows, because Johnny Depp is amazeballz, obviously.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Jean's POV

I was down the street walking towards Sasha's when my phone buzzed with her text. Great. Just me and a kid I didn't know very well. Well this is going to be awkward, I thought. I texted Marco, telling him what Sasha had told me, and to meet me in front of her building at the same time anyway because it was just easiest. 

When he got there, we kind of awkwardly exchanged hellos? He was really nice and polite about it, I was a bit fidgety though since Sasha wasn't around so I was on the spot. I asked him if there was anything he wanted to do, and he said whatever I wanted to. 

I asked him if he knew how to ice skate, and when he said no, I grinned and told him I'd teach him. 

When we found ourselves at the ice rink, we grabbed skates and replaced our shoes with them. 

"Uhm...Jean? I've never been ice skating before..." 

"That's okay, I have lots of times, I'll help you, don't worry." 

"Oh! Do you like hockey?" 

"Yeah I do, I play for a local team." 

"Really? Can I come to one of your games sometime?" 

"I guess. Sasha's the only person from school who has come to any of my games, it's a bit embarrassing," I admitted. 

"Oh. It's okay if you don't want me to come I understand, that's really cool that you play." 

"I don't really mind you coming...if you really want to." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, sure. Just hang with Sash the whole time. Anyways, you ready?" I asked, offering my hand to him. 

"Y-yeah...I think so," he replied, taking my hand in both of his as he slowly tried to stand. 

After pulling him up, I dragged him over to the ice....where he clung to the wall. 

"Marco? You uh...okay there dude?" I asked. He wasn't just holding onto the wall, he was practically clinging to it for dear life. His back was to me, chest flush against the wall with his arms over the top leaning into it. 

"Y-yeeee-ah. Just uhm. You know, getting used to the uhm. Ice. And skates. Especially the skates." 

"Alright, c'mere," I laughed, grabbing both of his hands. He was still leaning on the wall as much as he could, and he hadn't moved his legs. "What's the matter? Don't trust me?" I smiled jokingly. 

"O-oh...no, it's not that...I...I guess I do...it's just kinda scary...a little bit," he admitted, laughing nervously. 

"Don't be scared, I gotcha," I gave his hands a squeeze. When he nodded in reply, I slowly started to skate backwards, pulling him along. 

Not taking his eyes off of his feet, he awkwardly attempted to follow suit, clinging to my hands for dear life. 

"Marco," I called. "Don't look down, look at me. It's easier when you're looking ahead." 

"Oh! O-okay." He slowly looked up, then quickly back down, then back up again before he settled his gaze on my face. 

"So, Marco. Sasha seems to have really taken a liking to you. She told me that she thought you and I would make good friends as well, so tell me about yourself." 

"Well...I-wa-wah!!" he stumbled, almost falling, but I caught him. Because I'm good like that. When he managed to find his balance and I was back to pulling him along, he continued. "I really like Sasha too. She's really sweet. I like to read and I'm into all the comics and superhero's and stuff. I'm a...little shy," he said, looking back down at his feet again. 

"Marco, up." 

"Huh?" 

"Up, look up at me." 

"Oh, right," looking up, he went on. "I'm a bit awkward, I'm not very good at social things. Uhm...I really like hot chocolate, and I have freckles just about everywhere...I live right by a park, so I go there a lot, I don't really do anything there, but it's where I spend a lot of my time. I have a puppy, and a younger sister in elementary school. And....I moved here from Jinae a few years ago. There's not really anything that I'm good at, and I don't really have any hobbies, so that's about it really. What about you? What kind of things do you like to do? 

"Well, I love hot cocoa too, but I like coffee a bit better. I practically live with Sasha, we do pretty much everything together, I even go to hospital visits to her brother and go to see her parents graves with her. I like to run, which is why I do cross country, my dad's really strict and my mom's pretty nice. I have a younger brother, and we both play hockey, though I'm not especially close to anyone in my family, I do tell them about my friends and relationships. I have straight A's, but that's mostly cause Sasha's constantly pestering me about my grades, I was really terrible with those up until this year, because when my parents nagged me, I didn't really care even though my dad stopped feeding me for three days because my grades were so bad. To be honest I was kinda a dork and I wasn't very cute until middle school, puberty did me well. In middle school I was a bit of a delinquent. Uhm...I need glasses to read, I'm a total dorky nerd, bioshock is amazing and so are superhero's, Batman in particular. I'm gay, Sasha is my best friend, and that's about it." 

Marco was staring at me in...I think it was awe. "You sound really cool, Jean. And you and Sasha seem really close," he smiled. 'That's a really pretty smile' was the only thought I could process. 

"Huh? Oh. Uh. Yeah." 

"How did you two meet,if you don't mind my asking?" 

"School. Toward the end of seventh grade we exchanged numbers and ended up texting each other all day everyday, and then after about a month and a half we were already really close. We went out for Sasha's birthday with a few other people, there's a street fair that's always here around that time, and that was our first outing out as friends. We grew closer and soon enough we were at where we are now. I'd never been able to call someone my best friend before her. She's my first and only 'best friend'." 

I swear his eyes sparkled. "That's so sweet Jean!" He gushed. 

"N-not really. It's just how it is," I blushed. "So how did you meet Sasha then?" 

"Uhm..well I...uh...we went to the same elementary school and...well I moved here in sixth grade and...I, well, I went to the mall over the weekend once, and some boys from school were picking on me. Sasha was there with Reiner, Bert, Annie, and her uncle. Her uncle had let her be cause she was with friends and had a phone so it was just the four of them...they saw me getting bullied and sorta stepped in...then we found that Sasha and I went to the same school, and we started hanging out more. In middle school we didn't have any classes together so we talked a bit less." 

"Oh, I see. She mentioned something about you getting bullied. That really pisses me off. Come tell me from now on when assholes are bothering you, okay?" 

He gave a small, unconvincing nod. 

"Anyway, you're getting better at this." 

"Better at what?" 

"Ice skating, dumbass," I laughed. 

"Oh! Th-thanks Jean! It's just cause you're helping me though." He blushed. Shit that was so cute. 

"Here, try only holding onto one of my hands," I said, letting go to skate by his side before he could protest. He frantically clung to my arm with both of his before slowly relaxing and then we were back to just holding hands again. But this time it was one less hand. It was like 'date-like hand-holding'. 

"We should come again, in December," I told him. 

"Why? Because ice skating is associated with Christmas?" 

"Eh, not exactly...ice skating is always fun but...I'll tell you a secret." I leaned over so my mouth was right next to his ear, "honestly, I kinda like skating to the shitty Christmas music they play." 

He laughed. It was a really great laugh. 

Soon enough(too soon), it was time to leave, so after having switched back to our regular shoes-black lace up boots for me and red high top vans for Marco, we headed back to Sasha's. 

That went well. I enjoyed it. 

We found Sasha and Connie on the couch, each curled up in their own blanket, watching Dark Shadows. And, hey look at that, it had just started. 

I made three packets of popcorn and poured them equally into two bowls for us all to share. We obviously joined them on the couch after, cause who would miss that? 

I moved Sasha over, cause she made it clear that she wasn't about to do it herself, then took my place next to her. Marco plopped down next to me, and Connie was on the other side of Sasha. 

By then end of the movie, Connie had fallen asleep and the rest of us were ready to do the same. Despite knowing that, Sasha decided to put on another movie simply so we could all fall asleep on the couch watching it. It had been a good day. A really good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys, hope this story somewhat enjoyable to read :D


	10. Walks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where Reiner comes in, yayyyyy
> 
> Reiner is partially based off of one of my friends who really has been there for me since elementary whom I love very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Want you to cry, cause we're laughing so hard tonight, playing air guitar, alright, we're bein who we are, even if the hate that.
> 
> Turn up the radio, it's alright if we lose control, get a little bit rock and roll oh whoa oh.
> 
> So throw your hands up in the air, c'mon and make this count, it's only oyu and me, nevermind this crowd, do the way you do it, do it like nobody's around.
> 
> So put your hands in the air, c'mon and waste no time, it doesn't really matter if it's wrong or right, do the way you do it, do it like nobody's around."
> 
> -Like Nobody's Around, Big Time Rush  
> (yes I went there, please feel free to laugh at my music taste. Not that you probably haven't already)

I woke up to my phone buzzing. I gave it a quick glance through tired eyes and saw it was Reiner asking if we oculd hang out today. I told him I'd be home all day and he could come over whenever. I slowly untangled myself from the blanket and the other boys on the couch, trying not to wake anyone up, as we had, accidentally, spent the night on Con's couch all together. When nobody woke up, I proceeded to start cleaning up the mess we had made the night before so I could go home and wait for Reiner to come.

Reiner and I met when I was in first grade. Damn, a lot has changed since then. 

I went to a kindergarten that was far away from where I lived, because my dad insisted I go there since it was close to his house and I spent half of my time there. Eventually, my parents decided that when I stayed at home, which was most of the school week, it was just too early for me to get up. I was tired all the time since I had to wake up early due to the drive being so long. 

Halfway through the year, I moved to the elementary school that was right down the street from my house, within walking distance. Christa was my first and best friend. We played together everyday, making messes together with paint or toys, whatever was around. 

When first grade came along, Christa and I were put into the same class again. 

I was a happy kid. I was sweet, always smiling/laughing, had lots of friends. But I liked my space, too. 

During recess, I always went on long walks around the field. It wasn't because I was sad or needed time to think or whatever, I just enjoyed it, and back then all my friends were six years old and their attention span was short enough to not notice that I wasn't around. Christa sometimes accompanied me, but she had lots of other friends that always wanted to play with her, so it wasn't too often. 

Then came Reiner. He was in third grade and had lots of friends. After about a month and a half of school, Reiner started joining me on my walks and we just talked about anything and everything as we walked. Everyday we met up at the field and just talked and walked. 

Boring, I know. Especially for a six and 8 year old. You'd think little kids would be a bit harder to entertain, but I think we both enjoyed it plenty. Reiner was my first love, thanks to those walks. We got to know each other well, and that was pretty awesome. Everything was good, I was happy. 

When second grade came along, nothing had really changed between us, despite being apart for a whole summer. Yes, whole summer, because when you're a little kid, summer feels like an eternity, not only because its two whole months, but more so because its two whole months away from your friends. 

Bertholdt lived across the street from me, but didn't go to my school because his parents worked far away, so he went to school by their work, along with his sister Annie, who was a year younger. I spent my summers with them, and it seemed to go by a bit faster. 

Reiner was cute and gave me a little heart shaped box of chocolates on valentines day, it was great. By third grade, we had faded a little bit and didn't go on walks together as often, usually once a week or so. Don't get me wrong, we were still good friends, just not quite as close as we had been. 

At the beginning of fourth grade, I started getting bullied. Nothing physical, just a lot of teasing. It didn't make me hate school, but I didn't really like people so much. It was the first time I had experienced pain. It was when I realized that the world wasn't just a fun and happy place. 

The first time it happened, I was alone during recess. I ended up crying while just randomly walking, just trying to get away from the person. It worked, he didn't follow me, but I ran into Reiner. He was upset when I told him what happened and told me he would always be there for me, and to this day, over ten years later, he's stayed true to those words. 

It didn't stop. Quite the opposite, in fact, more people joined in. When they called me worthless and dumb and weird and stupid, and whatever other crappy insults little kids could come up with, I just ignored them and kept walking. I still had friends, and when I was with them, nobody bothered me, they were things people would only say to me when I was alone. 

I still smiled and laughed genuinely, those assholes couldn't completely get me down, but I did become more distant. I got into this author, and got so completely sucked into his books that my number of friends started to decrease. I was too into the books, all I ever did was read, apparently. It kept me distracted though, it kept my mind at bay. It made it so I didn't have to think about the mean things people said to me. Probably needless to say, but that only made it worse. Being made fun of, I mean. Because I was then also a boring bookworm. 

Reiner was always there for me. He would always get so upset whenever I told him that people weren't being nice to me, but I always told him to stop being so mad. Honestly, I didn't much care about the stupid insults at that point and I didn't want Reiner to have to get mixed up in it, I could handle it. 

Toward the end of the year, people started getting physical. Nothing too bad, I mean we were just elementary school kids. Just a small punch on the arm a little harder than someone would jokingly do it here, kicking my leg to trip me there type thing. 

One day, someone tripped me, stepped on hand, then kicked my stomach twice. It was the worst beating I had ever gotten, and Reiner saw from a distance and came running, yelling at the kid. The dude didn't care though, he was bigger than us, and stronger too. Reiner wasn't a big guy, small with a little bit of chubb, it was cute. Cute didn't help him then though, when he came running, the guy punched him in the gut, making him double over, before walking away. I hadn't bothered getting up, so Reiner came down to me. He sat his butt on the ground and pulled my head onto his lap, turning me over so I was face-up as he did so. 

"No more, Sash," he had said. "I'm gonna get stronger. I'm gonna protect you from now on. I won't let people hurt you anymore. I hate it. I'm going to protect you. I promise." 

I smiled and thanked him at the time, but hadn't realized exactly how serious he was. 

When fifth grade rolled around, Reiner was done with elementary school and starting middle school. It was okay because he texted me literally everyday, asking about how my day went and if anybody was mean to me and such, and made it a point to call me at least once every couple of weeks. 

I had gotten my first phone about halfway through fourth grade, because that was when my parents let me start walking home alone(with my friend who lived a few houses down). It was an old crappy phone that took forever to text with and stuff, but its main purpose was just for me to text my mom when I was leaving the school or if I'd be a little late so that she wouldn't worry anyway. Otherwise, I didn't use my phone much except to talk to Reiner. 

I had friends, it was just too annoying to text on my piece of crap phone. And besides, half of my friends didn't even have phones yet. 

Fifth grade was...not too horrible. I kept reading books by the same person throughout the year. They were horror stories, and I really enjoyed them. There were two series, with about ten small chapter books in each one, but I was a slow reader. Those book brought me to love reading. I'd hated it before then to be honest. 

I participated in a school play and made a couple of friends, the other three people I had to hang around with the most for the production were Christa, Franz, and Hannah. I ended up spending as much time as I could with them, including lunches and recesses. They were my closest friends, other than Reiner. 

After summer, we kind of just stopped talking. We didn't avoid each other, like we weren't not friends, we just didn't go out of our way to talk to each other anymore, and that was okay. 

When school started up again, I found myself using my first recess helping a class who gave extra help to the younger kids having trouble with math because I liked the teacher, she was really nice and always gave me skittles for helping out. 

For my second break, after lunch, I would go and hang out with the kindergarteners because that was when they were out too. They liked to attack me with hugs the minute I went over there. I liked them. They weren't complicated. They were happy and imaginative and sweet little kids, and I enjoyed that. I still kept up my contact with Reiner, and was friends with Christa still but I wasn't as close with her anymore. At some point him and her started dating, until they both decided on their sexuality. I had a few other friends, and the boy I liked back then used to play in the little recess soccer tournaments the school had everyday. I had a clear view of the field from the kindergarten play area, imagine that. 

When I got to middle school, Reiner made it a point to come and visit me at least once a month because the high-schoolers got off earlier than us, and his parents were fairly wealthy, so he had someone to drive him around. 

On those days he would just have his driver pick me up and take me home instead of me having to take the bus. The first time, it had been the first I'd seen him in two years, and godamn he got buff in middle school. And that was what I told him. 

He just laughed and said 'I told you so'. When he saw my confused look, he reminded me of the promise he had made to get stronger and be able to protect me. 

I had to stare at him and just think about that for a while. Eventually he asked if it was weird that he'd done that, and I told him that I just never thought someone would do something like that for me, and that he really didn't need to have done it, but it was really sweet of him. He just hugged me happily until the driver pulled up to my house and it was time to say goodbye. 

I told him it was great to see him again and that I hoped to see him again soon, and got out of the car, watching them drive off, still stunned at how buff he'd gotten and completely, utterly shocked that it had all been for me. I whispered a thank you for being such a good friend, even though the car had long been out of sight. Someone cared, and I was happy. 

He ended up picking me up frequently throughout middle school, us telling each other about our days and such. 

Eventually, the accident with my family happened, and I found Reiner still right there by my side. He let me stay with him at his place for a few days when I wasn't ready to sleep in my house knowing my family was gone. 

He also let me try alcohol for the first time. He didn't want me to because he's overprotective like that, but I begged him. Eventually, he agreed, though he kept a very watchful eye on me and stayed mostly, if not completely, sober when I drank so he could be there for me. 

He was there when my best friend, Jean, and my (now ex)boyfriend, Eren, left me, too. We watched movies and played video games together, he was very much like an older brother. I loved him, and he loved me, we were family. I trusted him, and all of that still rings true and we're still stuck with each other. I think, and hope, that we always will be, because I honestly don't know where I'd be if I hadn't had Reiner there the whole time. I'm glad it was him that joined me on those stupid little walks around the school field all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn't too bad, I really like writing for this fic, so I'm crossing my fingers other people actually like it, it's kinda scary sometimes posting my own ideas cause I think their stupid or cause..well I just feel like a bad writer.
> 
> Anyways, thanks so much for reading, it really does make me super duper happy :3


	11. The tall perennial woody plant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're so cute omg
> 
> lots of JeanMarconess
> 
> fluffy
> 
> Jean's point of view
> 
> Someone referred to a tree like that and I thought it was awesome soooo that's where the chapter title came from

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the car, I just can't wait, to pick you up on our very first date. Is it cool if I hold your hand, is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance? Do you like my stupid hair, would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?
> 
> I'm just scared of what you think, you make me nervous so I really can't eat. Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over. Honest, let's make this night last forever, and ever, let's make this last forever.
> 
> -First Date, Blink-182

Sasha's going on and on about something that isn't me so I decided to be a dick and took the book from her and ran when she took a pause from writing. Therefore, the one you actually want to hear things from, the amazing Jean Kirschtein, is back.

When I woke up on Connie's couch, I found myself tangled in another person. I thought it was Sasha at first, until black hair tickled my face, which was obviously not Sasha's cause her hair is brown. I carefully pulled away a bit too look at the persons face, thinking it was Levi at first. Nope, there was Marco.

Holy crap there was Marco. Holding me in his sleep. My mind caught up slowly as I remembered what had happened the day before.

Looking at Marco's sleeping face, my only thought was 'oh no he's too cute like this, picture, picture!' So I pulled my phone out of my pocket, the screen telling me I had a new text message, but I ignored it in favor of opening up the camera app. I tried to take one of just Marco's face, but that was a bit difficult with the angle my arm was at as I tried to keep my own face out of the picture, so soon enough I just joined in.

I grinned to myself at my achievement, for I was looking at a pretty bad picture of me, but I didnt care too much cause it was a good picture of Marco, laying on my chest. As I sat there, I my thoughts became more and more focused on Marco. I stared at him like a creeper for a little while, attempting to take in and try to memorize every detail of him.

As I was staring very not discreetly, I noticed a bit of purple on his shoulder, sticking out from under his shirt. At first I thought it was a hickey, which I panicked at. I blushed, realizing that I was panicking over the thought of him already having a lover, but by then I had pulled his shirt down a little and could see that it was definitely not a hickey. It was a light purple bruise, and as I peered into the back of his shirt(I'm not a pervert I swear, it was all because of the hickey bruise thingy), I saw more bruises, ranging from a light brown to a dark blue-ish purple, some small, some big.

I felt Marco stir a bit, so I let go of his shirt and started petting his head in an effort to keep him asleep. It worked, but now that he wasn't waking up, he wasn't getting off of me, meaning all I could do was sit there in a very uncomfortable rage. My leg started bouncing, one of upset habits, but with great effort I made it stop because Marco was still on me.

I decided to take a chance and check his wrists while he was still sleeping, because if he was awake I doubt he'd let me look. Plus it would be just a little weird to go 'hey Marco, lift your sleeves up for no reason in particular'.

I stared with his right arm because it was easier to get to. There were a couple of cuts, large shallow ones that could be passed off as him 'tripping'. Actually I was almost convinced it really was from falling. That wasn't bad, Sasha had done a lot more damage when she was cutting.

I carefully unpinned his other arm from underneath him and slowly raise his sleeve up.

I was surprised to find that it was...clean. Empty. No scars all over it, no fresh or old cuts, no jagged awkward lines in his flesh. I was damn happy.

I pulled Marco's sleeve back down and just waited for him to wake up as I stroked his hair, proud of him for not succumbing to the horrible habit.

That was when I realized it. How 'he looks so damn cute when he's sleeping' was the first thought to enter my mind when I woke up, when I felt like I absolutely needed a picture of his adorable sleeping face, how I could barely control my anger when I saw the bruises, but seeing his face had calmed me down, and how utterly relieved I was that he wasn't hurting himself. How he made me laugh for real at the rink yesterday, how I gave him one of those smiles that not many people other than Sasha get to see. I liked Marco.

When I came to this conclusion, it took a moment for it to really hit me, after all, I'd literally just befriended the guy. When it did hit me though, it was, of course, when Marco started to stir and finally wake up.

When he looked up at me, he gave me a dopey half smile as he said good morning, then just sort of stared at me for a second.

I realized he was probably waiting for my reply and mumbled a quick 'mornin', looking away in an attempt to hide my blush from the sudden epiphany I'd just had.

Looking at me for a second longer, he seemed to finally notice the position we were in and quickly jumped up off of me, almost falling backwards, but I caught his hand just before he did.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I just...sorry, was I sleeping on you the whole night?" He looked a bit scared.

"Yeah, but don't worry, Sasha was too," I smiled at him.

That was when I remembered I had an unread message on my phone and went to check it, knowing it was probably from Sasha. It was. She was just telling me Reiner was coming to her place so she went home, told me I could have breakfast at her place(though she didnt really need to tell me at this point cause I'd do it anyway), and reminded me to fold my blanket and let Connie know when Marco and I were leaving.

I looked over at Connie, remembering we were at his place. I had completely forgotten he was there. He was sleeping like a godamn rock. Was he dead? I couldn't hear breathing, he wasn't moving, and he'd been out for hours. I walked over and poked him, and he made a face, so he wasn't dead. Phew, Sasha would've killed me if he died.

I looked back over to Marco to see him already folding up the blanket. Texting Sasha back that I needed to talk to her later, I asked Marco if he was busy the rest of the day and invited him to hang out with me if he wasn't.

He wasn't. He said yes. To an unofficial date with me. My brain turned to mush as I just barely stopped a happy squeal from coming out of my mouth because how embarrassing would that me in front of the guy I just realized I liked?

I went over and shook Connie, and after much effort, I gave up and settled for a note.

\----------

We stopped at Sasha's place to shower. Reiner was already there and we said hey before going about our business. I showered first and 'forgot' my clothes in the bedroom Marco was sitting in. Oh no, how incompetent of me. With the towel draped low across my hips, I took my time walking across the room to the closet holding a mix of Sasha and my clothes. I look back at Marco and tell him he could go shower then and he was just flat out staring at me and holy crap, yes this had just the effect I wanted it to.

Before getting dressed, I handed Marco some clothes to borrow and a clean towel. He left the room to shower while I got dressed.

'Oh my god he's wearing my clothes' was the only thing I could focus on when he walked back into the room.

I lifted my phone to take a picture without realizing it and before I knew it, Marco had taken my phone away from me, telling me I was a bad boy. Shit, that was sexy. He kept talking, I think it was something to the effect of 'don't do that', but in more words. I didn't really care.

"You're a bad boy Jean," Marco growled crawling on top of me. "I think someone needs a little bit of punishment." He smiled teasingly at me before kissing me hard and reaching for my-

"You can have it back after breakfast." I heard Marco say, snapping me out of my wonderful daydream.

"What? My virginity?" I meant to only say it in my head, but apparently I didn't, according to Marco's flustered and confused response.

"Kidding," I said easily, smiling up at him and getting up to lead him into the kitchen.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked, as I walked down the hallway to the combined kitchen and living room area.

"I dunno, get it yourself, Jean," Sasha laughed, but handed both me and Marco a plate piled with food and I smiled at her in thanks. "Someone's in a good mood," she commented.

"You?" I asked innocently.

"Wanna find out?" She asked, her face quickly turning dark and into that face she makes when she's coming up with evil schemes.

"Nope, no, no thank you," I said quickly, to which she smiled angelically, and you would never know how scary she actually is if you just saw that side of her.

"You two get stools, I want couch," she said, pulling Reiner off of the stool he was sitting on at the countertop and literally dragging him by the hand over to the couch, where she pushed him down and sat on his lap.

Meanwhile, I put my plate down and grabbed Marco's, setting it right next to mine, pulling him by the wrist to sit with to me. Sasha had left hot cocoa on the counter. God I loved her.

We ate quickly and I did the dishes(I had to fight Marco for the privilege of washing dishes, he was too nice), then we headed out and let Sash spend her day with Reiner.

It was a nice day out, the sun was out, shining all bright, the temperature was a bit cold, but it wasn't windy so it wasn't too bad. I asked Marco if there was anywhere he wanted to go and he said there wasn't, so I took his hand and led him to the park near the apartments.

After a couple minutes of walking, he pulled his hand away and looked away from me.

"You okay?" I asked him, slightly hurt by the small action.

"Yeah, just...people bully me a lot, you know? They call me a fag and say I'm gay, but they don't really have evidence and just use the words as insults. Sorry Jean, it's not that I'm weirded out or anything, I just-"

I covered his mouth with my hand. "it's okay, Marco, calm down," I said, fully understanding and, keeping my hands to myself, led him into the park.

I was furious with those bully's, and when I found out who they were, they were going to want to run far, far away if they wanted to live.

In an effort to distract us both from thoughts of horrible other people, we took our time walking through the park, talking, laughing, playing with some kids for a bit. A few of the kids remembered me from my frequent visits with Sasha, whom all the kids know because she never stops giving them treats. She was like a drug dealer of candy to children. Anyways, we messed around with the kids for a bit and it was really nice.

At lunch time, I brought Marco to the little café right next to the park where we had sandwiches and coffee. I paid, after much argument, as I internally went crazy with happiness because that made it even more like a date.

We did lots more of that talking thing, and I don't think I'd ever enjoyed talking so much before. It was simple, but great. I even got Marco to laugh a few times, and knowing his smile was because of me made me smile.

\-------

I decided to take Marco to my special place. A place only Sasha knew about, where I went whenever I felt frustrated or like I needed to cry, or just wanted to get away.

I pulled Marco in the the forrest-ey area of the park and headed deeper into the trees until I came to one with a sloppy carving of 'SJ' with a star underneath it etched into it that Sasha and I had done when I first brought her there.

The tree wasn't hard to climb and the branches were thick and would definitely support the weight of multiple bodies on one.

I loved this tree so much.

I climbed up to my branch and stood on it, waiting for Marco to catch up to me.

"Jean, what's that?" He asked, pointing at the branch Sasha had claimed for herself.

"Sasha's branch," I replied easily.

"No, there's carvings in it," he explained.

"Oh, yeah, there's carvings on mine too. It's become tradition that we carve the name of the person we like into the branch. This tree has let us sit on it through many broken hearts," I told him as he came to sit next to my feet, even though I was still standing.

It was weird showing my special place to someone, sharing it with someone other than the only person I share everything with.

Marco had grown on me fast. I liked him a lot, and I felt comfortable with him. I trusted him, and after taking all these factors into account, I brought him here mostly because I thought he needed it. To me, this was the most beautiful place in the world, and from what I could see, the life Marco was living wasn't a spectacularly happy one, which upset me, because he definitely deserved that. I wanted to be the one to give it to him.

We had spent a lot of time at the park, and luckily, while we were on the branch, my favorite part about this spot showed. The sunset. Watching the sunset from here was awesome, it was the best view in the whole town, and I was about to give it to Marco. I really hoped I didn't fuck things up with him, because if I did I was screwed since I had already shown him the one thing I truly hold dear besides Sasha.

"Marco, get up," I told him.

"Why?"

"Just do it." I reached my hand out towards him to help him up and I pulled him into me, my arm around his waist, obviously to make sure he didn't fall, and not for any other weird perverted reason. Well maybe, but that was just a bonus, not the original intention. He didn't seem to mind now that we were alone, and leaned into me as well, but he was still looking at me. As pretty as I am, Marco, I think that might be a little bit better, I thought to myself. "Look," I said simply, pointing straight ahead. His gaze followed to where I was pointing aaaaaand...there it was.

His eyes widened, a small gasp escaping his lips, he froze in place, staring off at the amazing array of colors painted across the sky. He almost fell off of the branch, but I held him tightly as he just stared for a while longer.

All too soon, the sun disappeared from view, retiring for the night, and Marco and I just sat on my branch together for a little bit.

"You wrote a lot of names," he commented.

"What?"

"The tree carvings. So, Levi, huh?"

"Oh, yeah that ship sailed already, we dated for a bit, but...it didn't work out. We're still okay though, friendship-wise."

"Oh, I see. Do you not like anybody right now then?"

"No I do, I just haven't gotten to putting their name down yet."

"Oh, I see."

"Do you have somebody that you like ?"

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Oh! Hey, you never told me your sexuality."

"What?"

"Well you told me people accused you of being gay but they had no proof. Are you? It's okay, I mean, obviously I've liked a few as you must have seen."

"Yeah, I suppose I am. I mean, I dont have anything against girls, and I'd say I'm bisexual, but I don't think I've ever really had feelings for a girl to be honest."

"Oh, I see."

We were silent for a bit, and it was awkward at first with how the conversation had ended, but it quickly changed to a confortable one.

"Thank you, Jean," Marco spoke up suddenly.

"For what?" I asked.

"Everything. Taking me ice skating and teaching me how, letting me sleep on you even though you were probably already uncomfortable from the couch, spending today and yesterday with me, bringing me here, showing me this important thing to you, making me feel...wanted and not alone."

"Of course you're wanted, Marco! Those guys who bully you are shitty jerks that deserve to have porcupines stuffed up their dickholes. You're amazing, and I don't understand how they can't see that but...or maybe they do see it, maybe they just bully you because they're jealous. Yeah, that makes sense, I'd be jealous if I were them. You're adorable and cute and hot all in one, which can be surprisingly hard, you're super sweet and polite and too nice for your own good. Nobody could not want you, Marco. Well, unless you were stealing their boyfriend, because I'm sure you could get just about anybody to fall for you if you wanted, so then maybe someone could not want you around, but you get the point."

"Thanks Jean. You and Sasha are so nice to me. I'm happy you think that way. So...is it okay if I call us...friends? Or is this too soon? I don't mean to put pressure on your or anything and of course if this was only a one time thing it's totally okay I just-"

"Marco," I said grabbing his face with both of my hands to look him in the eyes. "This is definitely not a one time thing. Of course we're friends, there's no way I'd show you this place if we weren't. Also, I really, really want to be your friend, and you sound like you're letting me, so I'll take the opportunity."

He laughed a bit and thanked me again as a single tear slid down his face. I wiped it away for him, but held myself back from kissing him. I really, really wanted to, but I wasn't sure if he'd appreciate that. Baby steps, I told myself. I had just become his first friend other than Sasha, and she's batshit crazy, so I should at least let him take in having more than one singular friend. I mean, he knows everyone else, but doesn't have like real friendships with them, they're not like, real friends, so yeah.

Soon after, we both got up and left my precious tree, finding our way back to the park and then I walked Marco back to his house, and I went back to Sasha's.

He held my hand the whole way. Sadly, I think it was in a platonic kind of way, but it still made my dumb little heart happy.

The day was so picturesque, almost like a fairytale. I hope I never forget it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the early middle of the week. God Friday feels so damn far away. Good luck making it through the week guys! Hope this fluffyness will maybe help a little. It's helping me a teeny bit


	12. Bumps in the road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still Jean's point of view, Sasha will come back next chapter
> 
> Marco's upset  
> ^So is Jean, cause^
> 
> Jean's really sweet. Marco's world is ugly but Jean thinks that Marco is beautiful(heehee see what I did there)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the eyes and the lies of the taken. These are their hearts but their hearts dont beat like ours. They burn cause they are all afraid. For everyone of us, there's an army of them. But you'll never fight alone...
> 
> cause I wanted you to know: that the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me.  
> -The World Is Ugly, My Chemical Romance

"SASH!" I yelled, quickly walking into her apartment with purpose, slamming the door behind me.

"WHAAAAAT," she yelled back as she ran towards me from her room, sliding her socks on the wooden floor most of the way so she ran-slid right into me. I caught her. I'm so nice when I'm happy.

As I caught her, I pulled her into a tight hug. "OH MY GOD JEAN YOU SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WITH MARCO DIDN'T YOU. YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD. YOU LIKE HIM DON'T YOU."

"YES, I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH," I laughed.

"CALLED IT!"

"HE'S SO PRETTY! AND NICE AND FUNNY AND SWEET AND AMAZING!"

"YES I KNOW, HIS EXISTENCE IS VERY WONDERFUL ISN'T IT."

"YES QUITE I WANT HIM TO BE MINE RIGHT NOW."

"I DON'T THINK THAT'S HAPPENING SINCE YOU'RE WITH ME AND NOT HIM RIGHT NOW BUT GOOD LUCK WITH THAT."

"Oh shut up," I said, picking her up and carrying her like a princess over to the couch and collapsing on it, stilling giggling as happiness practically radiated off of me.

"Told ya you'd like him."

"Yeah, you did. That wasn't hard to predict though, seeing as he's such a great being that I don't see how anyone could possibly not like him."

"I agree, but oddly enough, plenty of people don't like him, actually. I told you he gets bullied a lot."

"Yeah, I know...I took him to the tree."

"WHAT? REALLY? JEAN-"

"I'm sorry."

"What? Why the frick are you apologizing? I've been so tempted to bring Marco there for the longest time. I thought you'd be mad if I did though, since it's sort of your place."

"I just felt that he sort of needed it. He seemed like he needed a bit of...I dunno, hope? In his life,and I thought maybe the tree could help that."

"My thoughts exactly."

"Glad we're on the same page."

"As usual."

"Yeah."

"Maybe we have that thing that people say twins have, that psychic connection thingy. Maybe that's why we're best friends. We were just meant to be like this."

"I wouldn't be surprised after all that's happened, to be honest. Though, despite the fact that our taste in men is usually relatively similar, I really have no idea what you see in Connie. Like he's not a bad guy, but I don't see what's great about him either."

"Meh, maybe someday you will."

"Maybe."

"You hungry?"

"Not particularly, but I'll eat if you have something yummy."

"I made dinner for Reiner about an hour and a half ago, you'll have to heat it up cause it's gotta be cold by now if you want some though."

"Okay, thanks Sash," I said, pecking her cheek and going over it the kitchen. "Do you think I have a chance with Marco?"

"Yeah, I think so. He seems to really like you. I don't know if it's platonically or not, but he texted me right before you walked in telling me how great of a day he had with you."

"REALLY?" I practically screamed in excitement, slamming my hands down on the countertop.

"Yes Jean, calm down a bit or you'll break the counter. Or your hand, whichever breaks first."

"Ah, sorry."

"Anyways, does this mean that you're over Levi already then?"

"Yeah, definitely."

"That was fast."

"Marco made me forget all about him, actually."

"I knew you'd be perfect for each other. I've been trying to get you two to go out alone for the longest time. Everytime I invited both of you out though, other people ended up coming too. Of course the time I finally get it to happen, it was purely by accident and at a time that I couldn't follow you two around to watch how things played out."

"I need to teach you how to be less creepy."

"Oh please, you're just as bad as I am most of the time. Plus, I know how, I just don't put that knowledge to use.

"You're ridiculous."

"You love me."

"Obviously," I said, eating the food that had finally finished heating up.

Bzt.

"Is that my phone?" I asked, shoveling more food into my mouth.

"Yep, it's Marco." I started choking. "You okay, Jean?"

"Yeah, m' fine."

"He says: 'Thanks so much for today, I really had a lot of fun. It was the best day I've had in a really long time. I'd really like to do it again sometime', smiley face. What do you want me to reply?"

"I got it!" I yelled, running to the back of the couch and vaulting over it to grab the phone out of Sasha's hands.

"Okay okay," she laughed. "You probably shouldn't move so fast while you're in the middle of eating. You know the rules; puke in the house, you clean it up and I get to stay in your room while you stay here until the smell goes away."

"Yeah, sure," I said, really not paying attention to her as I read Marco's text repeatedly. "He..."

"Yes, Jean. Words. He what?"

"He said he wants to do it again sometime. SASHA HE WANTS TO DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME."

"I saw. Yayayayayayay," she bounced up and down on the couch with me. "He even sent a smiley face!" She giggled before she put her serious face on. "But you have to remember, he's a bit messed up right now. He hates his life and has huge, gigantically big emotional walls up, Jean. You haven't seen anything yet. You also can't just barge into his life so suddenly and expect him to be ready for a relationship with you. He has a lot of problems to deal with, several of which having a boyfriend won't help, or rather, will make worse. I know you really like him, and I'm rooting for you, but don't rush things, please. You'll make him uncomfortable. He deserves happiness and a great person like you, but trust me Jean, I know him. He won't let you in easily and he won't believe anything nice you tell him. He's scared of people and it's so damn hard to get him to trust you. He's been through hell and he doesn't deserve any of it. I love you, but it's only been a day. I want you to be positive that this is what you want and sure that there's no way you would possibly hurt him."

"Sash, c'mon, we're best friends, you know I wouldn't."

"I worry about him a lot, to be honest. Fortunately for me, I met him before the walls went up, which made it much easier to maintain my place inside the walls when they did go up. I've watched him fall apart more than once. If he lets you in and you break his heart, I really don't know if it can be fixed again. Can you handle that?"

"Yeah, I can. But I suppose you're right, it's only been a day, I should probably get to know him a little bit better before I decide I want to try to be with him. Either way I want his friendship though, and I'm going to get it."

"Good. He deserves more friends, the good kind. He's hung out with Reiner a few times too, and I think he's getting a little bit more relaxed around the others."

"I'm glad."

"I'm going to get my hair cut on Friday, can you come?"

"Nah, sorry I-"

"Good."

"What?"

"I'll ask Marco to come instead then."

"Uh...okay. Just so we're clear, just because I like this guy doesn't mean he gets to replace me."

"Oh please," she snorted. "I've been friends with him longer than I've known you. It's like me hanging with Reiner."

"Okay."

"Your food is getting cold. Again."

"Damn I forgot." I shot a quick text to Marco, saying I had a great time too and that I also wanted to go out with him again, before hurrying back to the countertop that was holding my food and took a giant bite. She was right, it was getting cold.

\----------

It's Thursday and Marco and I haven't stopped texting each other since we went out on Sunday. Everytime he texts I start smiling and possibly blushing slightly. I eat lunch with him at school everyday and he's the last person I text before going to sleep as well as the first that I text when I wake up. This is starting to sound like the way my relationship with Sasha started. Meh, it's okay if she gets replaced. Just kidding. Sort of.

Anyways, the 'like' feeling that I'd had for Marco that day we went out wasn't going away. If anything, it grew the more I got to know him.

I like being around him, and this week has been the best one I've had in a while.

I walked into the cafeteria, looking around for Marco. When I couldn't find him, I assumed he'd gone to get food, but I didn't see him in line or at the table we had been sitting at the past few days. I left my stuff at the table and found Sasha, asking her if she knew where Marco was.

She told me which class he had the period before lunch and where it was so I could go find him and we'd run into each other if he was on the way.

I left the cafeteria, knowing Sasha would look after my stuff while I was gone, and went off in search of Marco.

It didn't take long to find him.

I was walking in the direction Sasha had told me to go when I caught a glimpse of someone sitting on the ground, slumped against the wall. I didn't think anything of it and headed to go check on the person just to make sure they were alright.

What I found wasn't an alright person. Nope, instead, I found a beat up Marco. Fuck I was pissed, I was ready to fucking murder people. But Marco was hurt, bleeding hurt, and I needed to get him to the school nurse.

When I reached out to him, he pulled away from me, hiding his face with his hands.

"Please don't," he whispered.

"What?"

"Please don't look at me, pretend it didn't happen, pretend nothing's wrong, please," he begged.

"Marco, you're hurt, I need to get you to the nurse."

"No!" he yelled, starling me slightly. "You can't, please Jean, please, please no."

"Why not?" I asked softly, opting to sit next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.

"Jean, please go away."

"What? Why?"

"Please just go, I'm fine," he said, wiggling as he tried to get my arm off of him.

"Is it because you don't want people to know you're gay? Is it cause people will think we're a thing? Because there's nobo-"

"No, Jean. It's not that. Please, just leave me alone."

"I'm not going to do that, Marco."

"I don't want you to see me like this..." he whispered, just barely audible.

"Like what? You're still you, I want to help you," I said, reaching for his hands to try to free his face.

"Broken. I don't want you to see me while I'm broken, okay? I'm beat up and bloody and I look hideous. I'm weak and useless and fucking broken, okay? That's why. So please, just get away from me already."

I stared at him for a long moment, thinking about what he said, then I hugged him. I pulled him into my arms and wasn't planning on letting him go anytime soon. "You're not hideous, you're one of, no, maybe the actual most, beautiful person I've ever met. You're so wrong about yourself Marco. You're not weak, because any weak person wouldn't be able to go through this everyday. They would...I don't know, run away, ditch school, become some delinquent, do drugs, I don't know, something. You're not useless because Sasha and I both love having you around, you make us both happy, and that's something really great. But most of all, Marco, look at me, please." I pulled at his hands again, and he moved one, but the other still covered half of his face. He was crying.

Fuck, my Marco was crying and I wanted to kill anything that had ever made him unhappy because seeing that made my poor little heart break in half."And you are definitely not broken. You're a wonderful person and I don't get how other people don't see that, but you know what? This is really selfish of me, but I'm sort of glad they don't see it, it means I have you all to myself." He smiled a bit at that one(yayyyy). "But if you truly believe you're broken, then talk to me. Tell me how I can fix it because I swear I'll do anything."

He finally gave up on trying to hide his face and put his hand down, leaning into my embrace and letting me hold him.

"You won't like what you see."

"What?"

"When you get to know me. You won't like me anymore."

"Why not?"

"Nobody does."

"What about Sasha?"

"We all know she's weird. And crazy."

"True, but I'm a little weird and crazy too. I have to be if I'm going to be best friends with a nut job like her. Don't worry Marco, I won't leave you. I'll be your friend and someone you can talk to no matter what. Okay?"

He nodded unconvincingly, probably just to get me to shut up, but it was a start.

I helped him up, my arm around his waist and his around my shoulder, and we slowly stumbled our way into the bathroom closest to us. I set him against the bathroom stall to help hold him up while I wet some paper towels to wipe the bit of blood on him away.

"Hey, Marco?"

"Yes?"

"Who did this to you?" I knew he probably wouldn't tell me, but I had to try.

"It's okay, it was my fault."

"Marco don't fucking lie to me. It's fine if you don't want to tell me, but don't lie to my face."

"But it is my fault..."

"How was it your fault?" I sighed.

"Cause."

"You're going to have to give me a little bit more than that," I said.

"Do I have to?"

"Please, Marco?" By this time I'd cleaned him up and I walked back over to him, leaning my forehead against his.

"You'll get mad..." he said, his eyes glossing over.

"I won't, I promise. In what way could you possibly have provoked them to do this to you? I'm genuinely a little curious if it really is your fault like you say it is."

"Cause..." he mumbled.

"What? I can't hear you, sorry. Could you say it again please?" At this, Marco pulled away from me so he was leaning up against the wall again and slid down so he was in a little ball like what Sasha does when she gets bad anxiety.

"Cause I'm a freak, Jean." He said clearly this time, not looking at me.

"What?"

"They bully me because I deserve it." 

What the actual fuck was he saying? Does he really think it's his fault when he's bullied? Are you shitting me? "Marco, it's not your fault at all, you don't deserve this in any way."

"You wouldn't understand, Jean."

Okay, so maybe Sasha was right when she said he had issues which I'd have to fix first if I wanted him to be my boyfriend. Good thing I'm completely willing to do that, though. "Marco, look, you're not a freak. There's nothing wrong with you. You're beautiful and smart and amazing and just overall super great."

"Please don't say those things about me Jean. You told me not to lie to you, so in turn, please don't lie to me."

Fuck. I think this awesomely perfect being might really actually hate himself. What the frick.


	13. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts off with Sahsa's POV then switches to Jean's.
> 
> There's spingles(conniesasha)
> 
> Sasha's having a breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on...if you feel like letting go  
> Hold on...it gets better than you know  
> Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
> Don't stop searching, it's not over...hold on.
> 
> -Hold on, Good Charlotte

Jean went out with Levi, Erwin, and their friend Hanji, who was a super genius who just skipped high school all together. Apparently Jean was good friends with Hanji in elementary school so they're all hanging out together.

It's Saturday. Marco went with me to get my hair cut. I'm sitting on the floor in my bathroom, my back up against the wall and my knees tucked into my chest. There are tears streaming down my face as I sit watching my wrist bleed.

It makes me feel so empty when I see my blood. It just numbs everything and I just can't feel anymore.

The first coherent thought I have is 'fuck, Jean's gonna be so mad at me'. It's been a year and I think Jean finally believed that I'd stopped for good. Oops.

The tears won't stop falling. I'm numb and my thoughts are racing too fast to even understand...or at least they were, but suddenly they switched to moving too slow to comprehend. Either way my thoughts are jumbled and I've stopped paying attention to them. I don't understand why the tears won't stop, but they don't and that's a little frustrating but not enough to try and do something about it.

I just sit there, at first staring at my blood as it slowly makes a path off of my arm to where it drips onto the floor. Eventually, I look up and just stare at the door which is part of the wall opposite me.

I really wish Jean was here. But he's not and there's nothing I can do about it, so I guess I'm just stuck like this until he comes back. Who knows when that will be, maybe in a couple of hours, maybe he won't come back till tomorrow or the day after. I don't really care. I just want to sit and stare at nothing.

I know if Jean came then he'd make me stop staring at nothing, but he knows how to deal with me when I'm in this mood and I know I'll feel better if he's around.

I could call him and tell him to come, but he's busy and I don't want to bother him. Plus my phone is lying a couple of feet away from me and I just can't move. My body is tired. If I really wanted to I think I could, but I don't have it in me to want to move.

After a while of sitting there like that, who knows how long it was for, I heard the front door open.

"Sasha?"

I ignored it.

"Sasha? I know you're here you left your shoes eight in front of the door and I almost tripped over them."

I couldn't speak for the same reason I couldn't move my body, but I didn't want to speak either. It was Connie. He's not allowed to see me like this.

"Sasha, where are you dude?"

I can hear his footsteps coming closer. Fuck.

"Sasha? Hello? Oh."

I don't know what the 'oh' was for. I don't really care. I just want him to get out. I shouldn't have told him where the spare key was.

There's a knock on the door.

"Sasha? You in there? The vent is off and so is the water so I know you can hear me. Sasha? You're in there, right?"

The doorknob slowly turned. Fuck. I still couldn't find the effort needed to move so all I could do was avert my gaze from the doorway.

The door opened slowly.

"Sasha? What're you doing in here? I called yo-whoa. Shit, man."

I turned my gaze toward him and when I saw him standing there, staring at me, I suddenly found that motivation to move that I hadn't had before.

"What the fuck Connie what do you want get out of my house!" I yelled, hiding my bleeding arm under my legs.

"I uh...I ran out of red paint and was gonna ask you for-"

"GET OUT!" I screamed.

"Wait, you need to get up first c'mon," he said, coming over to help me up.

"NO, GET AWAY FROM ME!"

He gave up on trying to grab my arm to pull me up and bent down and picked me up, carrying me like a princess.

"Wha-What the fuck are you doing! Put me down you asshole I said get away!" I hit him, desperately trying to get away from him, but before I knew it, he'd thrown me onto my bed.

"Get out!" I sobbed.

"But I-"

I got up and shoved him out and slammed the door behind him, locking it-the way you'd treat your little brother for trespassing into your room. I turned around and leant my back against the door, quickly sliding down it as my strength went away and moving again seemed impossible once my muscles had settled a second later.

I just sat there. Tears again streaming rapidly down my face. Connie wasn't allowed to see me like this. It wasn't fair, of all people the person who had to find me like that had to be Connie. I mean,obviously I didnt really want anybody but Jean to find me, but if there was someone in particular out of my friends whom I didn't want to see me like this, it would definitely be the boy I like so damn much. Fuck.

I think Connie left. I'm staring at the wall again. My eyes are starting to hurt. I feel them start to slowly close on their own, but I really don't care.

 

\---------

Jean's POV

I'd had such a great time, it was awesome to see Hanji again, I'd really missed the lunatic.

Levi, Erwin, and I had parted ways with Hanji a little bit ago and were back at the apartments. We said goodbye as we each entered our rooms, I'm glad we're all on the same floor. It makes me feel a lot better when I'm not at Sasha's to think that those two are always for her around just in case.

I stuck the key in and turned, but it turned really smoothly without the lock clicking, meaning it was already open. Pulling my key out, I reached for the doorknob and opened the door.

I saw Connie's shoes as well as Sasha's right in the middle of the doorway, which was unusual for Sasha, but expected of Connie. The apartment was dark. There were no lights on. It was quiet too. The tv wasn't even on, and I was confused for a second. Then the thought occurred to me that they might be doing it and I sighed in frustration, getting ready to leave and walking back toward the front door. 'They could've at least locked the door', I thought to myself.

"Is someone there?" It was Connie.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Hey Con," I said, turning the corner.

"Jean? Is that you?" I found him sitting on the floor, leaning up against Sasha's bedroom door.

"The one and only. What's up dude?"

"Uhm. Sasha's in there." He pointed.

"Okay? And? It's her room, after all."

"She's upset."

"Why? Did you piss her off?"

"No, she was like that when I got here."

"Oh, well do you know what happened?"

"No. I came in with the spare key cause I needed to borrow some paint. I found her sitting on the floor in the bathroom. She was crying. And her wrist was bleeding. She got mad when I went in and she told me to go away, but she was sitting in an uncomfortable looking way, so I picked her up and put her on the bed. She didn't really like that and pushed me out and slammed the door."

"What? Here, get up," I said, reaching my hand down to help him up. He took it and we both pulled and then he was standing next to me. "Thanks for staying with her. Will you go get Levi? You can just take the paint and go back, I'll take care of her."

"But...what about Sasha."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of her. I promise. You probably freaked her out. She doesn't like it when other people see her upset."

"Oh...okay. Tell me when she's better."

"Okay, don't forget to tell Levi I need him. Like now."

"Yeah okay." With that, he turned and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry this took so long, I didnt have internet for a while, then I didnt have time and was really busy for a bit with like nine tests in the same week, then no motivation to write and asdfghjkl endless excuses. Anyways, sorry. I'm about to write the next chapter tho cause I'm in a writing mood, so it should update again later tonight hopefully. I hope that compensates for my horrible lateness. Anyways, thanks for reading! Hope ya like it. My bad. There's really not much of a plot to this xD its kind of a mix of random stories I suppose. This chapters pretty short too,,but I thought it was a good stopping point


	14. Picture Books

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's being a clean freak again.
> 
> Jean's really upset.
> 
> This one's really cute with the JeanSasha. I envy their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is said unless it needs to be  
> I'll watch a movie, she'll fall asleep  
> She's one of those, who when you're talking you'll see  
> She's really listening to someone like me  
> Why is she listening to someone like me?  
> Cause I'm a tough shit friend  
> And I'll reckon she'll stay with me till the end  
> And it means more than I pretend  
> And I know I'm awful, I can't even cry  
> It's about time I told her and looked in her eyes  
> 'You're my best friend, I'll love you till one of us dies.'  
> 'You're my best friend, I'll love you till one of us dies.'  
> 'You're my best friend, I'll love you till one of us dies.'
> 
> -About Sophie, Keaton Henson

I waited until I heard Connie close the front door before I looked hesitantly to Sasha's bedroom door. I was fucking scared.

All of the lights were still turned off and there wasn't a sound coming from Sasha's room.

I slowly took the few steps to her door and knocked softly. "Hey, Sash? It's me, Jean. Are you okay?" I paused. Nothing. "I'm gonna come in, okay?" Still nothing.

I grabbed the doorknob and turned, opening the door as slowly as possible. That worked out well because she had been laying on the door the way Connie had been and would've fallen and smacked her head on the floor if I'd opened it any faster.

"Sash? Sasha?" She didn't move.

The front door opened and closed again.

"Jean? What do you want? I literally just said bye to-"

"Levi hurry up, come help me."

Footsteps.

"What's up?" He asked turning the corner and coming into view as I held the door in place so Sasha wouldn't fall. "Jesus christ."

"Come hold Sasha up so she doesn't fall when I open the door," I instructed.

Levi complied and as soon as the door was out of the way, I knelt down and pulled Sasha's head into my lap. I put my hand over her mouth just in case, to make sure she was breathing-and she was.

I let out a sigh that I didn't know I'd been holding.

"She's okay, Jean."

"Yeah," I breathed. My eyes watered.

Levi meant over Sasha's body and hugged me tight and I cried into his shoulder while clinging onto Sasha with one hand and Levi with the other. "Fuck, I was so scared," I sobbed.

"I know, I know." He pet my hair as I cried on him over Sasha, who was still out like a light.

When I finally stopped sobbing, Levi and I carried Sasha to bed, careful to keep her arm away from the sheets, and I climbed in with her, sitting up against the headboard with her head in my lap, running my fingers through her hair.

Levi went to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit and a wet cloth to clean up Sasha's arm. There were four large jagged cuts and so much blood on her left forearm. A lot of it was dried up but it was still a little liquid where the original cuts were made.

Levi cleaned her arm up, then the small pool of blood on the floor in the bathroom, and finally the spots that had made their way to the floor by the bedroom door.

"It'll be okay, Jean," he said, once he'd put the cleaning supplies and first aid kit away.

"Will it? Cause this-" I gestured, "this is not okay. Fuck, I should've been there for her. She fucking started cutting again Levi!"

"Shhh not so loud. Let her sleep, she probably needs it."

"Yeah...my bad."

"And I know that it's not okay, but it's going to be."

"How can you be so sure? You saw those, those were fucken deep and they fucken bled a shit ton. What if she accidentally kills herself or something?! Then will it be 'okay'? God, I need her. I can't do this shit without her. I can't, Levi. I just-I can't."

"I know. But you're not going to have to. You're thinking too much. She's not going to kill herself, okay? She knows better than to leave you...us behind. She knows there are people that love her and that she needs to be strong for."

"But what if she's not strong enough?"

"Then we give her some of our strength."

I nodded. It was the only thing I could do. I wasn't entirely convinced, not because I thought Sasha would actually try to kill herself, but because I was so scared of losing her.

"I'll go make dinner, she probably hasn't eaten yet."

I nodded. "You can use whatever's there," I stated.

"Yeah, thanks." And with that, he left, closing the door behind him.

I looked down at Sasha and just looked at her, still running my hands through her hair. It was down for once, as opposed to the usual ponytail it was in. Probably because she'd just gone to get her hair done with Marco.

Oh, Marco. I wonder if he knows what happened. But if he did, then why wouldn't he be here?

Sasha probably did that thing where she pretends to be okay until getting home because that's just how she is ever since the accident with her family.

I really hate it when she does that. She has friends. It's okay for them to know when you're upset. That's what they're for. Sasha's always been a councilor of sorts. Everyone comes to her with their problems, but I'm the only one that she goes to. And every once in a while Levi.

I worry about Sasha more than I care to admit. She's a complicated person that never lets anybody in, and that's why things get to this point. She holds her friends at a distance, so whenever she needs someone, if I'm not around, and if Levi's also not around, she just has nobody.

She made a noise and stirred slightly in my lap, catching my attention again.

"It's okay to be short, it's okay to be tall," I whispered. "It's okay to have two different socks, it's okay to have freckles. Sasha, it's definitely okay for you to eat all the frosting off your birthday cake, not that you ever ask permission anyway. It's okay to wear glasses. It's okay to come from a different place, and it's okay to be scared. It's okay to wear what you like, it's okay to share, it's okay to laugh out loud...eheh. It's okay to cry...boohoo. It's okay to live in a small house, it's okay to try new things, like chocolate colored bugs. It's okay to have no hair, it's okay to hang out in the rain, it's okay to be skinny, it's okay to be big. Its okay to be friends with a mouse too, and I'm sure you somehow are. It's okay to be a different color, it's okay to wear braces, it's okay to put a fish in your hair-which I'm sure that you've definitely done before. It's okay to sing out loud, its okay to dream big." I said, telling aloud my favorite book from when I was a kid, which I'd long since memorized.

"And you know what, Sash? It's okay not to be okay. Because all of us aren't okay sometimes. But you need to talk to people. It doesn't matter if I'm busy, call. If I don't answer, leave a message. Something. Please don't try to do this on your own, because I can't do this on my own. And I shouldn't have to, but if you keep trying to brave everything yourself, you're not going to make it, Sash. And I need you to make it."

She stirred again and made another noise, but wasn't really awake yet, and that was okay.

I leaned in close and kissed her forehead, whispering an 'I love you,' before grabbing a book from the window sill. I could reach it from the bed, just barely, so that was cool.

Her favorite book from when she was a kid. We kept my favorite, 'The Okay Book' and hers, 'The gift of Nothing' together. I'd given her the okay book and she'd given me the gift of nothing. On special occasions. But we kept them together since we practically lived together anyway.

"It was a special day, and Mooch wanted to give his best friend, Earl, a gift," I began to read quietly.

A little past through, Sasha woke up. She slowly blinked her eyes open, then reached her hands up to rub them and it was adorable. She slowly sat up and laid against me so she was laying on my chest, and I continued to read.

"So Mooch went home, and sat on his pillow, and just stayed still, as cats often do. And not looking for it, he found: nothing."

Sasha closed her eyes as she listened, but didnt sleep again.

"'There's nothing here,' said Earl.

'Yesh!' said Mooch. 'Nothing...'"

I paused and Sasha said the next line as I was turning the page: 'but me and you', she whispered.

"So Mooch and Earl just stayed still, and enjoyed nothing," I continued.

And again as I was turning the page, Sasha chimed in for the last line. "And everything." She said.

"I love you, Sasha." I stated. Squeezing her closer to my body.

"I love you too, Jean. But you know what'd make me love you more?"

"Hmn?"

"Food. God, I'm fucking starving."

"Levi's in the kitchen making dinner," I laughed.

She gasped as if she'd just remembered something. "Where's Connie?" She asked as she started to panic.

"It's okay, he left. Calm down. He went home."

"Fuck. Fucking shit. Jean, he saw me ."

"I know. He told me."

"What?"

"He sat outside your bedroom door until I got home. He was worried about you. I should probably text him and let him know you're okay."

"Will you let him know I don't hate him, too?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You're perfect."

"I know."

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," I called.

Levi hesitantly opened the door, slowly.

"It's okay, she's awake," I said.

"Oh." He said, throwing the door the rest of the way open. "Welp, foods ready."

"Levi you're a god," Sasha sounded like she really meant it, which is a bit worrying. She quickly got up and jumped onto Levi, attacking him with a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her too, until she shoved him aside and bolted to the kitchen.

You definitely know when she's depressed because she just stops eating. Something you can't do at any other point in time besides when she's sleeping. Obviously she's feeling better, so the worry that was leftover from before faded a lot the moment she'd asked for food.

I chuckled as I followed her to the table.

"Where's Erwin?" She asked.

"I'll get him," I said, before heading over to his and Levi's apartment door.

When we returned. Levi had set the rest of the table and was sitting next to Sasha. I took my place on the other side of Sasha and Erwin took the last seat.

We all ate together like a real family. It was really nice.

-

After we ate, Levi cleaned up, then him and Erwin went home. There was a moment of tense, uncomfortable silence.

"What happened, Sash?" I finally asked.

She looked over at me, but looked like she was staring right through me.

"Sash?"

"I'll uh. Tell you soon, I swear. Just, for now...for tonight, please just leave it. I swear I will tell you."

"Alright, I believe you. Are you sleepy?"

"A little."

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"Yeah. You're big spoon today."

"But you're always big spoon."

"So? I wanna be the little one today."

"Yeah okay fine. Just for today."

"Thanks, Jean."

"Go pick movie."

"Okay," she chuckled. "Can we watch The Black Parade is Dead?"

"The DVD of My Chemical Romance performances?"

"Yeah."

"Hnngggggggggggggg," I whined.

"Kick-ass?"

"Kick-ass."

"Well alright then. Don't hate on my chemical romance."

"I'm not hating, I like them, but I don't wanna just watch them perform repeatedly all day long."

"Well you should. Now c'mon."

She put the movie in and I went over to the couch and laid on it. She joined me and pulled the blanket over us and I was the big spoon. Unfortunately. I don't hate being the big spoon, it's just that I'm always the big spoon except with Sasha, so it's a little weird being the big spoon with her. Like she sits in my lap and stuff which is basically the same this but sitting up, and I mean, we sleep in the same bed most of the time, so it's not like it's abnormal for me to be holding her from behind. But this is different. Spooning is special.

Well anyways, we fell asleep before the movie was over and that was that. Night over, crisis sort of averted. I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys have all read my immortal cause that is the funniest shit I cant even. My friend compares me to the main character and apparently my name is now Enoby. Also in the flesh is really good and I'm really upset there's no more like the where the hell is the rest of it. It's not allowed to get cancelled. The song at the top is from the in the flesh sound track btw. Great zombie show if you're looking for one.


	15. Coping Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's really awkward when he talks to Marco
> 
> Explanation of the last chapter
> 
> Sasha has pet cacti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going away for a while, but I'll be back don't try to follow me. Cause I'll return as soon as possible, see I'm trying to find my place, but it might not be here where I feel safe. We all learn to make mistakes and run from them, from them, with no direction. We'll run from them, from them, with no conviction.
> 
> -Misguided Ghosts, Paramore

I woke up to my phone vibrating in my pocket and Sasha in my arms, her head tucked under my chin. I slowly untangled myself from her, careful not to wake her because she's terrifying when she doesn't get enough sleep after she cries-not to mention she's not really much of a morning person in the first place.

By the time I got away from her, into the other room, and pulled my phone out, I'd missed the call. I was surprised to find it was Christa, who hardly ever calls me because she's always so busy(at most I usually get a text from her). Assuming it was important, I clicked on her name and hit the green 'call' button.

"Heya Jean."

"Hey Christa, what's up?"

"I just wanted to check in on Sasha. Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Nah you're fine, why do you need to check up on Sash?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"Uh...tell me what?"

"They're taking her brother off of life support. Doc made me call her in yesterday during my volunteer shift. Marco was with her, but she told him to wait outside while she spoke to the doctor so I don't think he knows."

"What the hell? Why didn't anybody tell me?!"

"I thought Sasha had."

"She fucking cut herself again and was crying her eyes out last night but she wouldn't tell me anything! Why didn't you call me when they told her?!"

"Sorry I just assumed..."

"...it's okay, sorry for yelling at you. When is all this happening?"

"Two weeks. The doc wanted to do it tomorrow but Sasha pushed for more time. She wanted a month, but the doc wasn't having that."

"Oh, alright. Well I'm sure she'll probably be visiting everyday. Meaning I'll probably be visiting most days. I'll see you around, Christa. Thanks for checking in, I'll keep an eye on her."

"Thanks Jean, I'll see ya soon. Bye."

"Bye..."

-beep beep beep-

She hung up with me still holding the phone against my ear. I didn't know what to do, my mind was a mess.

Slowly, I made my way back to the living room where Sasha was still sleeping on the couch. I carefully picked up her head, sat down, and placed it on my lap back where it was before. Petting her hair softly, I called Connie to tell him that she was alright.

He was glad it wasn't him and that she'd be okay, said he'd come visit her brother with us sometime too. I thanked him for trying to look after her last night, then hung up.

Next it was time to call Marco. Knowing Sasha, there are two things that could have happened. She could have either tried to act fine on the way home and broke down as soon as he left, or, more likely, she ditched him at the hospital because she'd completely forgotten about him.

"...hello?"

"Hey Marco, did I wake you?"

"Yeah but that's okay, I had to get up in a few minutes anyway."

"Oh okay, that's good. I was wondering how your day with Sasha went yesterday?"

"Oh uh...well it was fine, we had lots of fun. Later in the day she got called to the hospital though. She told me to wait in the car and never came back. I waited for about an hour then tried calling her a few times but she didn't pick up so I went home. Is she okay?"

"I figured. She's fine. She's at home sleeping. Thanks for hanging out with her yesterday."

"Do you know what happened?"

"You know her brothers been in a coma for about a year?"

"Oh shit yeah I totally forgot, is he okay?"

"Doc's pulling the plug. It's been too long without any signs of change, apparently."

"Oh damn. Sounds really hard, is there anything I can do?"

"Not unless the doc just happens to love you and you can persuade him to give Sasha's brother a bit more time."

"I wish."

"I thought not. It's alright though, it's been a year. Sasha's strong, and it's not like he's really been alive this whole time either. What's the use of being alive if you're not actually living?"

"Yeah that's true...it still really sucks though."

"I know it does...I'm worried about her. She's a moody person to begin with and already has depression on and off. I also don't think she's told the rest of her family yet."

"Shit..."

"Sorry about her leaving you yesterday, it's not personal, I promise."

"No no, I know. And Jean?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I've been friends with her longer than you've known her, right?"

"Oh...yeah. I forgot.

"You don't have to apologize for her, I know she wouldn't leave me without a reason. And that's a very good reason, now that I know what it is. I actually met her brother a couple of times. I'll be sure to visit before he's...gone."

"Thanks Marco, I'm sure Sash will be happy to hear that."

"No problem at all."

"So, uh..."

"Hmn?"

"Have a really good day Marco!"

"You too Jean, take care of Sasha for me, okay?"

"Of course I will."

"I know...you're such a good person, Jean."

"Nah I'm really not, Sasha is just special."

"Hahah, I wish I had a best friend who thought of me that way. You guys are really something special, like in a movie."

"Don't get me wrong, I think you're really special too! But...I think of you in a much different way than I think of her..."

"And what way is that?"

"Well...uh....I...uhm."

"Yes?"

"Well I think of you more in the 'I want to date you' way."

"O-Oh. I see."

"Ah, uhm. Sash is waking up, I'd better go. I'll text you."

"Yeah sure, bye Jean."

"Bye Marco."

I pulled the phone away from my ear to see that Marco had already hung up. Then I heard a snort.

"Oh my god you are seriously such a loser Jean," Sasha giggled, making no attempt to sit up.

"Oh shut up, jerk!" I blushed, rubbing her hair back and forth really fast to make it all messy(not that it wasn't already).

"You're so cute Jean," she smirked, finally sitting up and attempting to get the hair out of her face. "I really hope things work out with you guys, Jean."

"Yeah, me too."

"Welp! Time to pack," she said, standing and offering me her hand.

"Already?" I groaned.

"Yep. We're packing, then showering before to my grandparents house to break the news, then to my aunts to tell them, too. After, we're going to the carnival and all our friends are invited because my family will probably be taking up the hospital space and I wanna have fun before I go live in that stupid place. After that we'll come home and shower one more time in this lovely place and then sleep in my lovely bed. In the morning, we go to Levi and Erwin's and ask them to check up on the place and water my cacti everyday. That's when we go to the hospital."

"Why do we have to ask Levi and Erwin to check on the place? I can do it."

"Jean. What is the reason I have cacti?"

"Uhh...cause they're hard to kill?"

"Yes. And why do I need to own plants that are difficult to kill?"

"Because me and you have murdered lots and lots of normal plants by accident..."

"There you go. That's why you're not allowed to look after my cacti. Don't go anywhere near them while I'm gone or I will shove one up your dick hole."

"Yes mam."

"Hurry up and get up already dummy."

"Okay okay. Help me though."

She held out her hand again and I pulled on it very hard and I got up but it made her fall down. Once we were both successfully standing, Sasha went to pack while I texted all of our friends asking if they wanted to come to the carnival with us.

After helping Sasha pack, we did exactly what she'd outlined as the plan before. Her family was sad and upset, but not surprised in any way.

Ymir, Christa, Marco, Connie, Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, Erwin, and Levi all showed up for the carnival. Sasha seemed pretty desperate to have fun and get her mind off of things, so I bought a stupid amount of tickets and we went to have some fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while, I've been doing shtuff. Hopefully the next one will be out pretty soon, I think it will cause it's sorta planned out already, but no promises.
> 
> Sorry this is short, but I think if I include the carnival it'll probably get too long? I dunno, if not then I'll edit it and put them together in one chapter later.
> 
> Hope you guys are enjoyin the story!


	16. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erm amusement park.
> 
> Dates. Kissing. Most of my ships are laid out here.
> 
> Marco really hates himself...Jean's so sweet.
> 
> Sasha and Connie are so awkward but its so damn cute omg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need your love.  
> I'm a broken rose.  
> Oh baby help me from frozen pain  
> with your smile, your eyes, and sing me just for me.
> 
> I wanna need your love...  
> I'm a broken rose  
> I wanna need your love...
> 
> -Rose, Anna Inspi (from the NANA anime soundtrack. Where the song is played by the band Black Stones)

We all met up in front of the amusement park that goes by 'The Carnival'. It was pretty big and open all year round, but the rides changed in the spring and the fall so the outdoor rides could have a chance when it's warm.

There were tall black gates with a huge colorful sign that read 'The Carnival' in big letters on top of them. The gates were open and under the sign was a strange statue that was probably some kind of mascot or symbol for the place I guess.

There were two paths, one to each side of the statue. Both of the paths ended up in the same place,so the group split and some went left, the others going right. We ran back into each other as the path merged back into one leading up to a tiny building.

Inside the doors was security and bag check, where we also bought tickets. After that, we went through the next door and were finally inside the amusement park.

Although we had come together, most people did their own thing, the couples sticking close together. Ymir's arm didn't leave Christa's shoulder, Eren had his arm around Levi's waist, Connie and Sasha were holding pinkies because they were too awkward to hold hands and it was adorable, Erwin and Reiner stuck together platonically because neither of them had a significant other, and somehow my hand had found Marco's.

The first ride we all went on together, it was one of those pirate ship things that swing back and fourth really high and sometimes go all the way around.

The second one we did together too, it was one where you lay up against the wall and it spins really fast.

After that, we split into subgroups. Ymir and Christa went off on their own, Eren and Levi went somewhere with Reiner and Erwin, and Connie, Sasha, Marco, and I stayed together.

I bought cotton candy for Marco and I to share, Sasha bought a candy apple for herself, and Connie got some popcorn for him and Sash to eat. It really was fun and seemed like we were on a double date. Actually, at that point I think we were, but I'm not positive.

We played a few prize winning games like basketball and that water gun race thingy where you have to shoot just the right spot for it to fill up. Sasha won a couple of prizes and forced Connie to participate in some games. Despite his reluctance, apparently he was good at games because he won at everything she made him play. Marco refused to play, but that was okay. I won him a couple of things and I also won Sasha a couple of things. I also lost quite a few games, but let's not talk about that.

After that, we went on a couple of other small rides before meeting back up with the rest of the gang. We decided to all go into the haunted house together. There was a lot of screaming, but I think it was more for fun than out of fear. It wasn't actually that scary, but seeing other people seem scared did make it a little scarier.

Up next was the house of mirrors. It was a pretty big building and looked dark inside. Unlike the haunted house, where we could go through it in pairs, we had to all enter one by one. Eren went first, followed by Levi, then Ymir, and Christa. Before going in, Sasha stopped to whisper something into Marco's ear. He nodded and have a smile before Sasha headed through the doors and into the darkness of the house of mirrors. Once she disappeared, Connie, Reiner, Erwin, then Marco followed. I went last.

When I stepped in, it was darker than I thought it would be. There were a couple of small lights on the ceiling every couple of feet just so you could see where you were going. I found that there were seven different starting paths to take. I looked at them all. One was an instant dead-end, so I picked a random one, the second. I slowly made my way through, having to go back a few times when I realized I had walked on another blocked off path. After about two minutes of walking, I heard a small 'thump' come from the other side of the mirror to my left.

"Hello?" I called, putting my ear to the glass wall. There was quiet whimpering along with heavy breathing. "Marco? I asked, assuming he was the only one still in the house of mirrors. "Marco?" I called again when he didn't reply. Turning my head and leaning toward the mirror to listen, I heard a muffled whimper. "Marco, are you okay? Wait there, I'm coming to get you, alright?" I called. I didn't get a reply, but I wasn't expecting one at this point anyway.

It took me several dead-ends and a couple of tedious minutes, but it didnt take me too long to find him. He was sitting on the floor, his legs pulled up to his chest, his face buried in his knees, arms wrapped around his legs.

"Marco, hey it's me," I called, crouching down next to him. "Marco." He didn't respond in any way.

Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed his shoulders and shook him slightly, calling his name again. The instant I touched him, he let out a small scream muffled by his legs, since he didn't lift his head at all.

"Marco!" I yelled, grabbing his cheeks and pulling his head up to face me. He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment.

"...Jean?"

"It's okay Marco, I'm here," I pulled him into my chest, wrapping my arms around him. We just sat like that on the floor for a minute and I felt his tears on my shirt. He wasn't sobbing or really crying, his tears were just...leaking? Would be a good way to describe it. I pulled back slightly to look at his face and his grip on my shirt tightened.

"Marco? What's wrong? What happened?"

"I..."

"What? Sorry I can't hear you...can you look at me?" he slowly lifted his head from staring at my chest to staring at my face, but not directly at my eyes. "What's wrong?"

"It's....nothing," he quickly turned his head away again.

"Hmn...Marco, what do you like about yourself?"

"Huh? Uhm...not much."

"Okay, well what don't you like about yourself?"

"My appearance, my personality, how weak I am, everything."

"Can you try to expand a bit? What about your appearance and personality?"

"My personality?...I just have a bad one. I'm a bother to everyone and I'm super annoying, I think bad things about people like all the ways they could die or get hurt, I'm too weak to do anything when other people are getting bullied, and obviously people don't like my personality cause nobody wants to be friends with me."

"What about your appearance then?"

"My freckles, chubbiness, my hair never cooperates, my skin color, I'm too tall so I stand out, my skin is really rough...everything."

"Do you not like mirrors?"

"No."

"Because you hate the way you look?"

"Yeah..."

"I want to be your friend."

"What?"

"Earlier you said nobody wants to be your friend because you have a bad personality. I want to be your friend."

"That'll change soon."

"Why do you think that?"

"I just told you, I have a terrible personality and I'm super annoying."

"I don't think so."

"Nobody does at first. It's not like I've never had friends before, Jean. Actually I've had lots. I don't have a problem with making friends, I just can't keep them. Friends come and go quickly with me. They all think I'm 'pretty cool' at first and then they realize that I'm just...not. And they drift away. They don't cut me off right away but they just slowly stop talking to me. I don't think they hate me, they just don't really care that I exist. And that's almost worse than being hated sometimes cause I can't even ask what I did. I suppose I just get boring? Or maybe I accidentally deceive people? I don't know. Sasha is the only friend I've ever had for more than a year."

"Well you don't really try to be friends with the others. I think that if you did then things would turn out the same way as they did with Sash."

"I'm trying with you."

"Why only me? Why can't it be everyone?"

"I don't know. Normally I wouldn't even try for you but for some reason I just want to be friends with you. You just...stand out to me I suppose."

I kissed him. Yeah, I know. I'm an asshole. He was vulnerable and upset and I kissed him anyway. But he definitely should not have been allowed to say that I'm special compared to the rest, especially when I like him in a very NOT platonic way. It was quick, our lips firmly pressing against each other- and then they weren't. It was so soft, almost like a dream, like it never happened. But I know it did. He stared at me curiously for a moment, neither of us really knowing what to do at that point.

"Let's get out of here," I suggested, standing and offering my hand to him. He took it and pulled himself up, but as soon as he stood be grabbed my shoulder, turning me back around to face him again as he backed against the mirror wall, pulling me with him into another kiss. I didn't know where to put my hands, one of leaning against the wall above his head, the other around his waist. One of his arms was wrapped around my neck, his other hand flat on my upper back. We kissed for a pretty long time. It was nice.

When we were done with our little 'make out in the dark' session, we walked out of the mirror house holding hands.

Connie and Sasha were the only ones waiting by the exit when we got out. Sasha was probably worried about Marco, but she second they saw us she just grinned like an idiot with the 'I know what happened in there' look.

Then, she handed me some tickets and grabbed Connie's wrist(because they were still too awkward for hand-holding), dragging him off to another ride. After a couple of seconds her hand slid down his to grab pinkies again. Guess it was time for a real one-on-one date.

I quickly pecked Marco on the cheek before pulling him towards another ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long
> 
> I won't bore you with excuses
> 
> thank you guys so much for putting up with me


End file.
